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She covers her mouth on a gasp. “You didn’t do that to him. You didn’t—”
“I ordered the ruin of a man and he killed himself, Abbie. Don’t even think about softening that blow.”
“And Kendall? What did your dad do to her?”
“He didn’t. That was all me. I ruined her myself. We’d had some issues over ethics violations she refused to see as an issue. I made sure they were exposed. She was disbarred. She gave birth and put the baby up for adoption.”
She stares up at me, seconds ticking by. “Where’s the baby now?”
“He’s a teenager who was adopted by a good family. Word is that he may well end up in an Ivy League school.”
“Which you know because you helped him.”
“I know because I’m the one who stole his parents from him.”
She stands up and walks toward me, closing the few steps between us. “Because you helped him. Because you look out for him.”
“A child will never know his mother or father because of me.”
“Stop making yourself into a monster.”
“Stop making me into a hero who helped a child that only needed help because of what I did.”
“His parents were corrupt, Gabe. And what you did wasn’t kind, but you didn’t kill anyone. You didn’t set Mike’s family up and make it look like they did things they didn’t do. That’s whatKenneth would have done and from what you tell me, that’s what your father would have done. And that angers me. You were young. You took guidance from your father. He could have taught you to move on, but he didn’t do that.”
“I’ve gone after people, Abbie.”
“Have you ever killed anyone?”
“No.”
“Have you ever broken the law to hurt someone?”
“No.”
“Revenge is dangerous. What you did wasn’t kind. It wasn’t forgiving but you have to forgive yourself. I do. I forgive you.”
I tangle my fingers into her hair and pull her close. “Abbie,” I breathe out. “Damn it, you need to really look at me. I don’t want you to see one thing now, and then later, when I can’t live without you, see something else. See me now. Be angry. Make me fight past that anger so that I know you see all of me.”
“I do and thank God for it. One of us has to. You see your father when you look in the mirror. I see you, therealyou, the man who fights for those he loves. The man who saves animals and babies. A man who would have been an amazing father. And if it’s the last thing I do on this earth, you will see you the way I see you.”
Her words punch me in the gut. She sees the man I want to be. The man I had a chance to be but that man is long gone. That’s a problem for us both. “You have on rose-colored glasses and one day you’ll take them off, you will see the real me and that shock will drive you away, the way my mother woke up and warned us not to be like the man she’d once loved.”
Her hands come down on my face. “I don’t believe that you would do the things your father does. The things my ex-husband did.”
“My blood—”
“Is also your mothers and your mind is your own. Your actions are your own. You were young. Would you go to your father for revenge now that you are older, wiser, and you know him as the monster, not the man?”
“Never. I’d go to my mother who Reid and I should have idolized over my fucking father.”
“Your mother would be proud of you, Gabe, because you learned that lesson. Because you’re not your father. And knowing that you could have been, that one piece of your life could have sent you that direction, not this direction, matters. I have never wanted to be an ‘us’ more than I do with you and Dexter.” She presses her lips to mine and whispers. “You are already my best friend.”
I rotate her and lay her down on the bed, shifting to slide my leg between hers, my body angled to hers. “And you, Abbie, are my best friend.”
“Best friends don’t use rose-colored glasses, Gabe. They see perfection in the imperfect.”
Those words, radiate through me and spin ten emotions I don’t try to name. Instead, I kiss her because I want to, and because if I don’t, I’ll confess my love. And it’s too soon for love when, despite her denial, she still wears rose-colored glasses. I fear she just doesn’t know it yet.
