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“Among other things, yes,” he said, swallowing. He seemed embarrassed as he shifted in his chair, as if he hadn’t meant to confess those things. “But…anyway, no, it’s not winter in the Below. It likely never will be.”
There were so many questions. Questions I’d wondered in the weeks we’d been apart. Questions that seemed too vast that I couldn’t even think of a single one to voice now. It was too overwhelming.
“Don’t,” Lorik’s gentle voice came. Could he read me so clearly? “We have as much time as you’ll give me, Marion.”
Meaning…he’d wait for me until I asked him not to. Meaning…he would always be here until I asked him to leave.
I choked out a small sob, torn between a smile and tears. I pressed my hands to my face before I raked them back into my hair, pushing back my unruly auburn waves as I breathed deeply.
“I…I’ve been thinking of offering my glowflies to the Healers’ Guild,” I confessed. “Of transferring the hives and uprooting all the plants. Of…of leaving my cottage and moving back to the village. Or maybe not even Rolara. Maybe elsewhere in Allavar. I don’t know.”
The words tumbled out of me in a rush.
“And the crazy thing is that I don’t know that Iwantto,” I said in the quiet, the only sound the crackling fire. “I don’t know if it’s just because of everything that happened. If I’m a little heartbroken, a little lonely, or if I just need a change.”
Lorik frowned.
“The Black Veil helped me heal after Aysia. But I also realize that I’ve used it as a shield since,” I said. “I’ve just been a little lost lately. And I don’t know why I’m telling you this when there’s a million other things to ask you. But this week…whenever you’ve asked me how I’ve been, a part of me just wants to scream all this. I don’t want to hide it anymore.”
“Marion…” he said softly.
I sniffed, lowering my hands away from the sides of my head, and my hair fell back into place. The water began to boil over the hearth, and I made a move to stand.
“Leave it,” Lorik told me, catching my hand quickly across the table. “I want to talk aboutthis.”
Slowly, I lowered back down into my seat.
“Tell me,” he said.
“You hurt me,” I whispered. Lorik breathed in slowly and deeply at the words. Was that relief on his face? “You hurt me real bad, Lorik Ravael. But I forgive you for it.”
Thatmade his brows furrow. Did hewantme to be angry with him forever? Because he thought he deserved it?
“I forgive you for it. Because I understand why you had to do it. I can understand how there would no choice in something like that. I just wish…I just wish it hadn’t hurt so much.”
“I told you before, Marion,” he said, his voice gruff. “My feelings for you were never a lie. I never had to pretend with you. The lie was just…everything else. The circumstances of how we met. And what I needed from you.”
“Looking back on it, I think you were always trying to tell me,” I said. “I remember the conversations we had about perception and reality, if I believed that there were things in the universe that would upend everything I knew. You were talking about the Kelvarians, about Severs and Shades, about Allavari, about you. I see that now. I see it so clearly. And I always thinkabout that last night, when we were bathing together and you told me your sister was sick.”
Lorik’s jaw tightened, his thumb stroking over the back of my hand.
“Were you trying to tell me then?” I asked.
“Yes,” he said softly. “I just didn’t knowhow, Marion. Everything was piling up around me. The lies, my deepening feelings for you, my duty to my people, to my family. I had to weigh everything so carefully. Because truthfully, I was running out of time. It was the one thing I had little left of. Every moment I spent with you, the darkness was spreading more and more in the Below, slowly turning innocent lives into Shades. We had no idea if the hive heart would even work—only the word of a sorceress. Even knowing that, even with all the pressure from the Below, I didn’t want to hurt you. I didn’t want you to think that…that I was only with you because Ineededsomething from you. Idid, but it was more than that.”
“I know,” I said softly. “It was an impossible decision. And there was really one choice. I understand.”
“It doesn’t change the fact that I hurt you,” Lorik murmured. “And I hate that I had to. It’s the worst thing I’ve ever done.”
The honest words hung in the air. We stared at each other across the table, and for once, the distance between us didn’t seem so great, so insurmountable.
The kettle kept whistling over the fire, and I squeezed his hand as I stood from the table. He let me go this time, and I prepped our tea in silence before sliding the cup over to him, taking my seat again.
Steam curled from the cup as I took the first small sip and peered over the rim at him.
I watched as he reached toward his cup, catching sight of a mark on his wrist I’d never seen before.
“What’s that?” I asked, my cup hitting the table with a loud thud. “Are you being called to the Below?”
