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Tears filled my eyes, making my vision go blurry. I tried to blink them away quickly, but there was a rawness in Lorik’s voice that haunted me. His words replayed over and over in my head.
“I don’t know if you can ever forgive me, Marion,” he continued. “I don’t know if I even want you to because I don’t know if I can ever forgive myself for betraying you.”
My brow furrowed, staring at my night garden next to my cottage, the trellis entrance withering with the cold.
“But please know…I am deeply sorry, Marion.”
Whatever I heard in his voice—whatever pained, terrible thing I heard—it made me turn to meet his eyes. His lips pressed when he saw the tears glimmering in my gaze, and he took astuttered step forward, as if he couldn’t help it, before Peek’s barrier pushed him back.
I didn’t even care if he saw me crying.
Holding my eyes, he said, “I am deeply sorry for betraying your trust. But I am not sorry for everything else.”
I frowned.
“Because I will hold those moments with me forever, little witch. I cannot bring myself to regretanymoment that I spent with you. Even when you were pulling an arrow out from my shoulder. Because it meant you were close to me. And only in those moments did I feel like I could finally breathe.”
My lips parted.
“I know you have no reason to trust me,” he continued. “I have given you none. But I would give you my blood oath right here and now if it meant erasing any doubt in your mind about the way I feel about you.”
My mind raced. A blood oath? He would be forever bound to it. Just like the one he’d made to the Below King, like the one I’d made to the Healers’ Guild.
“I regret that I hurt you. For the rest of my life, I will regret that,” he said. “But I do not know if I have the will to say goodbye to you, Marion. Every moment away from you has been agony. Every moment in the Below has felt like a lifetime. It will break my soul if I have to say goodbye to you…but if that’s truly what you want, I will respect that. I swear it to you.”
I bit my lip, trying to keep it from quivering. Maybe I was weak…but I didn’t want that, did I? Maybe I hadn’t known it before, but actuallyhearinghim say it? That hurt even more. Imaginingneverseeing him again. Never looking upon his face, never seeing that wide grin and the sly twinkle in his eyes when he teased me. Never hearing his voice, never feeling his gentle touch across my shoulders, my back, my abdomen, my hips…
Gods, that hurt.
“But,” Lorik said, a tone entering his voice after he observed me process that information, “if there is a part of you that could forgive me even the smallest bit, if there is a part of you that still believes in this, inus…”
I inhaled a shaky breath that sounded like a small sob.
“I’ll be here,” he finished. “I’ll always be here, Marion. Take as much time as you need to make that decision.”
Lorik blew out a short breath, holding my gaze…and then began to walk away, back into the shadowy tree line of the Black Veil. Would he return to the Below to see his sister? Or would he patrol the forest for Shades, protecting his realm and ours?
“Lorik,” I called out, quickly.
He turned so fast one would think a Shade had crept up behind him.
I didn’t want to give him the wrong impression, but I wanted to be honest with him too. I didn’t want to swallow down the words I felt rising in my throat.
“I miss you too,” I said.
The edge of his lips curved in a gentle smile. He didn’t say anything else. I knew he would give me time to make my decision.
“Be careful in there,” I said next, finally turning away, the rune stone hot in my hand as I gripped it hard.
“I always am, little witch.”
Chapter
Twenty-Four
Another week passed, and the path into Rolara was now covered in snow and icicles. The Black Veil in winter had always been beautiful. Peaceful and quiet…but lonely. I’d never felt the loneliness more as I trekked each day into the village. While I’d come to enjoy Rolara, to nod and wave and smile at familiar faces that were becoming even more familiar to me by the day, it always reminded me that I was alone.
Lately, the walls of my cottage had seemed too close. Lately, I’d had a difficult time finding sleep, dreaming of Lorik, missing him so much that it physically ached in my breast.
