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“Okay.” Emily swallowed. “I’m sorry. I guess I’m just a little anxious.”
“That’s understandable. A lot of first-time moms are. But you know what? It gets easier. You’re allowed to bring a supportperson with you to these appointments if that would help you. Dad can come next time.”
Emily focused her eyes hard on a wall chart that showed the progression of fetal growth. She really didn’t want to cry here. “Okay,” she said. “Thank you.”
But she wouldn’t be bringing a support person. She knew that. Dominic would never come to an ultrasound with her. She wouldn’t have wanted him to.
At least, that was what she said to herself.
But as the image came into focus, she found herself wondering if that was really true. Because, suddenly, it felt as if she would have liked to have him here. It felt like a moment she would have liked to share with him — not just a partner or the father of her child, buthim, specifically.
No. He wouldn’t have liked it. It wouldn’t have meant anything to him.
She wondered whether that was really true.
Emily sat on her couch looking over the list of names she had drawn up. After a moment, she crumpled up the piece of paper and threw it at the wall, feeling frustrated.
Nothing seemed right anymore. When she had come up with these names, they had all felt like possibilities, but after sitting with them for a few days, she had come to realize that she didn’t like any of them enough to give them to her firstborn child. She hadn’t stumbled upon the right name, not yet.
What if she couldn’t do it?
She closed her eyes and took a calming breath. She knew that was a ridiculous thing to be worried about — and she knew that she was worrying about it much too soon as well. She had months and months to figure this out. She didn’t have to have the answer yet.
Even so, if felt like she was failing the kid already. If she had planned this pregnancy, she might have a name in mind. And if she’d gotten pregnant by a man who wanted to stick around and do his part, he would be able to help her choose the perfect name, so she would be confident when she found it.
It felt like every single day meant discovering something that was going to be harder for her because she was going through this by herself.
“Here’s the question,” Sara said as they walked out of the hospital one Friday after work. “Do you want to have the baby shower now, before you start to show? Or would you rather wait? I know what I think, but what you want is most important.”
“Well, what do you think?” The baby shower was a kind gesture, but Emily wasn’t very invested in it just yet. She supposed that would probably change as the day drew closer.
“I think we should wait,” Sara said. “At least until you’re showing a bit. Maybe not until you’re so big that it’s uncomfortable for you to move around — but we could do it when you’re six months along, maybe. Yeah, that would be good. And that way, you’d have more information about the baby. We would probablyknow if it’s a boy or a girl, and you might have a name picked out, which would mean that people could give you more specific gifts.”
“I don’t care that much about the gifts,” Emily said. “I’m just grateful that you’d want to throw a shower for me at all, Sara. It could even be a no-gifts event and I would still be happy about it.”
“Well, obviously we’re going to havegifts,” Sara said. “That’s half the fun. You should really start working on a registry.”
“Oh, no, I don’t think so,” Emily said. “Anything people want to give me, I’ll be more than grateful to have.”
“You’re not going to ask for anything? Really?”
“Well, diapers, maybe.”
“That goes without saying. Maybe we’ll put in the invitations that everyone has to bring a pack of diapers.”
“Don’t do that,” Emily groaned. “It’s not a ticketed event. Nobodyhasto bring anything.”
“Okay, fair enough — hey, what if we do some kind of raffle? For every pack of diapers you bring, you get a raffle ticket, and then the winner gets… hmm, what does the winner get? I’ll have to think about this.”
They’d reached the parking lot. Emily turned toward her car. “I’ll see you Monday,” she said. “We can continue talking about it then.”
She crossed the lot toward her usual parking spot, but she was only about halfway there when she noticed him.
He was standing with his back to her car, and even though she was still several yards away from him, she recognized him at once by his height and his build. It occurred to her that she probably would have recognized him anywhere, a fact she found mildly frustrating.
Dominic.
Seeing him now took the breath from her lungs.
