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"He's like a son to me." His voice drops to a melancholy whisper. "Since we lost Ricky, I've taken Renzo under my wing."
I hate when he brings up Ricky. It stings and triggers memories I work hard to forget.
Me at ten years old. Asleep in my bed.
A muted gunshot in the dark.
My mother's cries.
Ricky's lifeless body in his blood-stained bed. He was only five years old.
The funeral. My mom died. Another funeral. I stepped up to fill her role. I'm the only water keeping this wobbling boat afloat.
"I hear you, Dad." I didn't agree to marry Renzo, but acknowledged I understand what it means to him.
But I didn't come here to talk about this. I have something more important to discuss. I take a deep breath and peer up at him. "I have something on my mind."
He blinks at my apparent non sequitur then and folds his hands together on top of the desk. "What is it, my dear?"
Oh boy. This is difficult. "I was thinking I'd like to get my own place."
His eyes narrow and he cocks his head to the side. "I thought we had an understanding."
"I'm twenty-four. I'd like to have my own place."
His hands clench and his fingertips turn white. "It's safer for you here."
My muscles tense and my skin prickles, but I have to be strong or I'll never have my own life. "We could set up security. Maybe cameras? I could stay close by."
"Is this about that little fight we had after the pool party? I'm really sorry, baby girl. I shouldn't have lost my temper."
"It's not about that." I lower my eyes to hide the tears forming. It's all about that. I'm trying to separate from him to protect myself.
"Listen. I'm sorry." His voice softens. "I really am. I love you. I don't want to hurt my only baby girl. It'll never happen again. I promise. Okay?"
"Okay." I don't believe him.
"But never forget who protects you. Me. I've kept you alive despite all the men who'd want to hurt you to get back at me. They know you're my weak spot."
I nod. I've heard this my whole life. It's terrifying not understanding it. "You mean the people who killed Ricky?" I've never questioned him before, but I'm tired of being kept in the dark.
His nostrils flare and his face reddens. "Them and others."
"But they haven't come for me." I live in fear of a threat that never happens.
He stands and braces himself on the desk. "Because I kept them from you." His voice is strained as he holds back his temper like he just promised me he would. "This business is cutthroat and not for the weak. When you're on top, they're always trying to bring ya down. The easiest way to take down Vaughn Bianchi would be by hurting his beloved Milana. Iwill never let that happen, my love. I need to keep you close to keep you safe."
He walks around the desk to me. I stand to be embraced in a suffocating bear hug. This conversation has gone as far as it can without summoning his rage.
So while everything inside me screams to fight harder, I don't. I accept the hug and affection from my father. To keep the peace. To play my role. I'll try again some other time, but for now, I have lost the battle.
"I'd better go, Dad. I have to plan all those events."
He pats my back. "That's my girl. You make me so proud. Keep me posted on your progress."
"Sure."
***
