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“A couple of years ago, she got pneumonia. Every time she coughed, a look of concern covered his face. It reminded me to have hope in marriage. That love could still be the way God intended.”Before men like Will ruined everything.
Jahleel’s eyes widened. “She had pneumonia?” His voice rose to a level that was not quite shouting but certainly not a normal decibel.
“You didn’t know?” What had he missed staying in Texas? Had Reverend Walker forbade Jahleel from returning home, or had he just been so upset that coming back to Peachwood Bay was never an option?
“No,” he gritted through his teeth. “Apparently no one bothered to tell me.”
“Maybe they didn’t want to disrupt your life. Itwasduring football season.”
“She’s mymother,Bebe. It shouldn’t have been a question. I would’ve been here in a heartbeat.”
“How would they know that? You haven’t been back in eight years. Do you even call them on the phone?” She clapped a hand over her mouth, eyes going wide. “I’m so sorry.” The words were muffled behind her hand. She dropped her hand into her lap. “That is none of my business, and I have no right to speak on that.”
Pain flashed in Jay’s warm brown eyes. “You know,” he said, rubbing his beard, “I always thought I was justified in leaving. Hearing lecture after lecture chafed worse than any astroturf burn. He never admitted to any wrongdoing. Instead he constantly placed the blame on me. When I told him I was going to make myself eligible for the NFL draft, he lost it. Called me everything but a child of God. All becauseI refused to go to seminary so he could pass the church to me when he retired.”
“Why didn’t you want to be a pastor?” Jay had a wonderful understanding of the Bible, even when they were young.
“I’m not called. It’s as simple as that.”
“Perfect reason to say no.”
“Not to Obadiah Walker.” His lips twisted. “I’ve never been good enough.”
Surely his father didn’t really think that, yet short of asking him, Bebe couldn’t refute Jay’s comment. “Maybe all that matters is what God thinks.”
“If my own father doesn’t think much of me, how am I to be assured God would?” Deep pain reflected in his eyes.
This time Bebe didn’t stop to think. She laced her fingers through his, and warmth spread up her arm. She gave his hand a squeeze, hoping he’d understand she was here for him. “God loves you unconditionally. That is a truth you can rest in.”
A lump formed in Jay’s throat. How could God love him unconditionally when his father didn’t? The God his father taught was judgmental and harsh. Waiting to pierce with the sword those who fell short of His glory.
He thought of Remy, his Desperados’ teammate from Louisiana. Remy spoke of a God who loved like a perfect father. Funny. He’d never thought Remy’s words penetrated past all things football, but apparently they had.
“I don’t know how to live like I believe that,” he told Bebe. “Not when I have someone constantly reminding me that I’m not up to par.”
“Don’t compare the two. When we place man’s limitations on God, His promises seem impossible. When we remember He is perfect, just,andloving, then His promises shine like the truth they are. Man will always fall short, but that doesn’tmean we can’t try to be better each and every day. Your dad is far from perfect, Jay, but you aren’t perfect either. Both of you will make mistakes, but you can still choose to love and honor him with the capability God gives you. Only through God’s strength will that be possible.”
She squeezed his hand once more, and the vise around his chest lessened. How had she gotten so wise? “Thank you, Bebe.”
“Anytime.”
He held on to her hand, hoping she wouldn’t pull away. The tenderness of her touch anchored him. Suddenly being in Peachwood Bay didn’t seem like a death sentence but a hope of second chances.
By the time they arrived at the reindeer farm, the mood had lightened. Jahleel laughed as he exited the limo. Bebe had just reminded him of the time he’d run home screaming, convinced that the bogeyman was alive and real. He’d been seven at the time.
A log building stood sentry as land spread around them for miles. A red barn sat off to the right, most likely where the reindeer were. There was a picnic area in front of a food stand where kids milled around, chatting happily.
Jahleel held on to his cane and offered his arm once again. “Let’s go inside. Looks like the log building is the main entrance.”
“Right.”
Bebe matched his pace, exclaiming over the smell of boiled nuts and cinnamon almonds. She pressed a hand to her stomach.
“Hungry?” he asked.
“Starving.”
“We’ll get something to eat once we’re done here.”
