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“I guess not,” he says, eyes wide.
“I didn’t want to face you for a while. Felt like I couldn’t.”
He nods, letting out a deep breath. “I felt like I was being a shitty brother, traveling so much for work. Never home, never around. Maybe we were both just walking around sidestepping the other.”
“Maybe we should try to do better.”
“I’m happy I got laid off, honestly. I get to be home more now. That job had turned into a fucking nightmare.”
“And the restaurant business isn’t a nightmare?” I laugh.
“Fuck, not like that job.” He shakes his head. “So, what are you going to do about dancing then?”
“I’m quitting.”
He blows a low whistle. “Okay.”
“I should have quit it all back then, but I wanted to keep pushing forward. I didn’t know if I could let such a big piece of my life go, but now I can.” I hate this part of myself right now, full of betrayal and anger, the kind I’ve seen firsthand in the competitive world.
“What happened?” He slowly sits down next to me on the couch.
“Julie gave up dancing with me, too. Might as well call it quits for good now.” That’s the ugly, uncomfortable truth. “I said yes when I should have said no. I threw myself back into dancing for her. And for what?”
Gavin just scratches his jaw, looking contemplative. “Is this about dancing? Because I feel like it hasn’t been about dancing for a long time. Probably since the beginning.”
“Maybe I just needed a partner.” That sounds dismissive enough.
“Yeah. In life.” He leans over to grab a cold slice of pizza from the box and takes a large bite. “You needed somebody to be your partner in life.”
“And Julie was going to be the answer to that?” I laugh humorlessly.
“I think so.”
“Well, she bailed,” I say, resentful.
“On San Diego. Not on you.” He rolls his eyes like he’s just as frustrated with me as I am with everything else.
“Same thing.”
“Really?” he asks, disbelieving. “Come on, get your head out of your ass, Logan.”
I don’t say anything in response. Everybody seems to think she’s coming back, and if I hold out hope, I might just get crushed when she leaves me hanging again. Everything between us got too big, everything became too much. Like a bubble that got bigger and bigger until suddenly, it burst.
“Why do I keep getting the blame for this shit?Shequit onme. She let this fucking go.” My voice cracks, and my eyes start to burn. “It was savingme, and she dropped it.” There's the truth.
He says nothing, silently watching me. But then he leans over and pulls me in for a hug, instead. A strong hug that feels nostalgic, stirring up memories of when we were kids. He holds me close for a while and I take a deep breath, feeling it center me, delivering a new sense of calm.
“Let’s go to bed,” he says. And just like last time, “We’ll deal with this shit in the morning.”
Chapter thirty-three
Julieta
“I stopped.”
Larissa gapes at me. Somehow things have been flipped during our lunch hour, and now I’m the one with stories to share.
“Stopped?” she asks, dumbfounded. “Why the hell did you do that?”
