AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I am so defeated. I am so full of guilt. An unbearable weight, a suffocating sadness. I feel like I’ve got no strength to even get out of this chair right now. The thought of driving home is overwhelming and exhausting.
Thisfeels like everything is quicksand, slowly swallowing me up, surrounding me so I can’t move. Naively, I never thought it would get to this. I never imagined it would come to a place where I am not allowed to feel joy. Where I am not allowed to do anything outside of the realm of what was decided for me. Not that law school was decided for me, but a solid career path was. And a focus on studies was always drilled into me.
I never let myself divert from any of it. Thirty four years of following a line, how could I possibly stray from it now?
I am so, so sad.
Chapter thirty-one
Julieta
I don’t leave withleftovers. I leave instead with pity looks from T and Delfi. Surprised looks from everybody else. And then a hug from Cecilia.
“Call me later,” she whispers, worried. I nod solemnly, but we both know I probably won't.
I walk out quietly, not saying a word, and I drive to Logan’s.
The thing about holding everything in for so long, for the sake of everybody else, is that sooner or later it’s all going to come charging out.
“Hey, you okay?” he asks, concerned, when he answers the door.
“Can we talk?”
“Of course.” There’s a line between his brows.
I walk into his place and luckily Gavin is at work.
“Busy weekend?” he wonders.
“I had a lot of work to catch up on. I fucked up one of my cases.” I take a deep breath, wounds still fresh. “Ineverfuck up cases.”
He steps closer to me, and brushes a strand of hair from my face. I desperately want to lean into his palm, savor this before I destroy it.
“Were you able to catch up?” he asks.
I don’t answer his question, I just keep pushing forward. “I’ve been spending too much time dancing. I’ve been too distracted.”
“Okay … should we cut back on some lessons, or …?”
“I’m not going to San Diego.” I come right out and say it.
He just stares for a moment. “What?”
“I can’t go to San Diego.” My heart is in my throat and I feel like I might choke on it.
“What happened at dinner?” His voice is low and calm, but still waters run deep.
I just shake my head. I want a clean break. I don’t want this to get messy, but of course it’s going to. It’s about to be like the rest of the weekend—a disaster.
“Julie, this isyourlife,” he says, reasoning. “You are allowed to live your life.”
I stand still, unable to even move. His apartment feels familiar and cozy, and I wish I could allow myself the time to linger.
“Sit down. Let's talk about this. Please,” he pleads.
“You don't understand. I can’t just drop everything and do this.”
“I don’t—what is going on right now? Whathappened?”
