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“Uh-huh.” He smirks.
Thank God we’re dressed. What time is it anyway?
“Nice to see you again.” She waves, but she’s blushing.
“We were just going back to my room,” I say, grabbing the box of sandwiches.
“Not so fast.” He comes over, reaches in, and pulls out a stack of them. “Thanks.” And with that he walks to his room, some lightness in his step, and I think …whistling?
“Shit, I lost track of time. Roommates.” I roll my eyes.
She just laughs quietly, and says, “Come on. Let’s go back to bed.”
I follow her down the hall, mesmerized by her, and watch her climb into my bed. Comfortably taking up space here again.Stay here forever,I want to beg.Don't ever go.
“So, how long have you and Gavin lived together?” she asks.
“About five years. His previous job included a lot of travel and he felt like he was paying rent for nothing, so we moved in together.”
“Makes sense.”
“Does it? I can’t even have you over without having to sidestep or figure out his schedule.” I might sound frustrated, but maybe I’m just embarrassed.
She just takes it in stride, laughing like she doesn’t have a care in the world.
“But really, since he got laid off, it has been kind of nice,” I tell her.
“Yeah?”
“Our parents divorced when I was fourteen. It was hard on the both of us, and Gavin helped me get into dance to give me something to focus on. He saw how much I loved it, and so when I was sixteen and I had been priced out of the youth dance program, Gavin went to work full time to help me pay for it, while he went to school full time too. Imagine that.”
“What a wonderful thing to do.”
“It made fucking up in San Diego really hard. You and I didn’t have the same childhood, no, but I understand wanting to do well for your family. I didn’t want to let him down, either.”
“Was he upset?”
I sigh. “No, he was so supportive.”
“Just what you deserve.”
“You deserve that, too.”
“It feels like secrets have become the only way for me to get peace. As fucked as that sounds. When I was about fourteen, I joined my school volleyball team,” she says quietly, lying next to me. “I loved it. I loved everything about it, and I couldn’t wait to share with everybody else how much fun I was having, how much I was learning. And so, I did.”
“I sense a but coming.”
“Buteventually it turned into a judgement. They would come to my games and watch me and offer unsolicited advice. I would get unnecessary comments. All I wanted was their approval, their support, but this one thing I had chosen for myself was being tarnished by everybody’s input and opinions. In the end, my one happy thing became pressure and frustration until I eventually quit.”
I can’t imagine such a burden that I would opt to quit something I loved. But the opposite was parents that didn’t care enough, and maybe that’s its own burden to bear.
“And then I had to hear about how I was a quitter, too.”
“So, they give you shit when you’re doing it, and they give you shit when you stop. You ever think maybe they’re gonna give you shit no matter what, so you should just do what you want anyway?”
“You make it sound so easy.” She smirks.
“Healthy boundaries are a thing. Stop feeling guilty for setting them.”
