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“I just…”
“It’s okay. I’m not attacking you. You were protecting yourself, and still are, and I get that. You’ve been through a lot over the last few years—it’s only natural that you would be cautious about the next person you let get close to you. Then I come along, and honestly if I were you, I would have been running in the opposite direction at first, also. The age thing, the Mrs. Robinson thing, the musician thing. It’s a lot, and not in a good way. I get that.” He paused, looking into the middle distance, a far-away look in his eye.
“Let’s face it, this shit’s complicated. I mean, it’s not Natural Born Killers complicated. But it’s definitely not Roman Holiday, all sunshine and lollipops.” I didn’t think the fact that he dropped film references almost as much as I did would ever get old.
“My dad used to fish back in the day, mostly before us boys were born. But he loved to tell us stories of his adventures out to sea: the monsters he’d caught, and the battles he’d had to reel them in. To this day I don’t know how many of what he told us was true and how much was just to entertain four bored boys on rainy days or sick days in bed. But anyway, one thing he used to tell us that stuck me was: ‘If ever you get caught in a riptide, don’t fight it. It might be a wild and scary ride, and you might struggle to keep your head above water, but if you try to swim against its flow, away from where it wants to take you, you’ll exhaust yourself drown.’”
I knew then where he got his smarts from, and wondered if his father had ever even been fishing, or if he just used the fishing tales to subtly pass on life lessons to his kids. Either way, he’d definitely given his son a gift in that advice.
“You’ve just got to go with it and ride that wave. It might seem like all’s lost at times, but just remember that it may get worse before it gets better, but if you surrender yourself to the process and just let it do its thing in the end, it will always bring you back to shore: battered, bruised, and terrified out of your mind, but alive and in one piece. Stop fighting and let’s just see where the tide takes us” I was prepared to overlook the fact that Luke had likened being involved with me to being taken out by a powerful wave, and just go with the analogy.
I nodded slowly, turning onto my side to face him properly. Luke followed suit. I reached up and stroked his cheek before lowering my lips to his, kissing him gently. How could I even have tried to fight the inevitable pull toward him?
I drew back from the kiss, holding his gaze, and spoke quietly, suddenly sure of what I needed to do.
“You’re absolutely right. Life’s too short to fight what’s in our heart. I’ve followed my head before, and look where that got me. It nearly fucking broke me. I’ve wanted this from the start. Before all the complications, and restrictions. Before all the stress and worry. I’m ready to follow that instinct instead of creating lists of reasons to swim against the tide. I want you, and this, and I’m finally done fighting.”
Luke said nothing for the longest time, before lifting his hand to my face and stroking my cheek with his index finger.
“Thank you.” His voice was hardly audible, barely above a whisper.
“What for?”
“For being willing to take a chance. For going with your heart and your gut, and not letting the possible constraints hold you back. Actually, hold us back.”
He slayed me. As he gazed at me with eyes ablaze with admiration, gratitude, and an emotion I didn’t dare name yet, I leant over to kiss him. When my lips met his I could hardly remember why I’d been fighting in the first place.
