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20
Natalie
As we came down from our highs, Luke pulled the base of my neck gently, bringing my eyes back into focus with his before raising the fingers that had been inside me to my lips. I opened my mouth, letting him slip his fingers inside, sucking greedily, and savoring the taste of my own arousal on his fingertips.
Fuck.That was hot as shit, and screwing on the hood of my car was a total first. With Luke being so much younger, I thought I’d been there, done that, and had a whole closet full of personalized T-shirts to prove it, but I kind of loved the idea that we’d shared something I’d never had with Doug. I pushed the reasons why that even mattered to me to the far corner of the vault of my mind, locked the door, and threw away the emotional key, pulling my thoughts back to the moment.
Luke removed his fingers slowly, bringing his mouth softly to mine, kissing me lightly and with a reverence I hadn’t felt from him before. Though he still had his hand gripped to my throat—another first, and so hot I almost passed out—the kiss was tender and delicate, in stark contrast to how roughly we’d ground together moments earlier. I put the reasons behind his gentleness back in the same vault and buried the key deep inside.
I could have stayed there having him kissing me like that all night, but I knew I had to the one to break the spell.
“Let’s go inside, or I’ll be too tempted to resist going again, and we’ll get sprung for sure.”
As we walked reluctantly across the lot, hand in hand, I rubbed at my neck gently. There would be bruises there come morning, but I gave zero fucks—the thrill of having him hold me that way, claiming my body, had turned me on beyond belief. I didn’t care if I had to wear scarves for months, I was down for us doing that whenever he was.
I shook my head hoping to shake the thought loose. There was no “us” and there definitely wasn’t going to be more parking lot sex, or any sex for that matter. I’d caved in to our desire because I was weak and vulnerable, after opening the divorce paperwork. At least, that was the story I was telling myself, though there was as a small voice in the back of my mind screaming otherwise. I shut her the fuck down, and led Luke up to my apartment.
We got just inside the threshold before we were at it again, tearing each other’s clothes off as we headed down the hall to my room. But when we got there, things were different. We made love instead of fucking. For the first time it was unhurried and sensual. We took our time getting each other off, maintaining eye contact, communicating as much with our eyes as with our bodies.
Afterward we lay nose-to-nose, wrapped in each other’s arms, Luke tracing patterns up and down my spine with his fingertips, me playing with the hair that the nape of his neck. For the life of me, I didn’t know why, but I found that spot on him sexy as all hell.
“So are we going to talk about the elephant in the room, or just fuck like it never happened?” He was pissed, but I wasn’t exactly sure why.
“We weren’t ‘just’ fucking a moment ago. At least, I wasn’t. I can’t speak for you, however.” A person would have needed to be deaf to miss the note of accusation in my voice.
“Sorry, poor choice of words, but it was than that for me, also. I know we both felt it. And nicely deflected, by the way. Are you going to answer my question?”
“What elephant?”
“Oh. So you’re going to act like I didn’t find you bawling your eyes out in your car, before?”
“No, but I don’t want to talk about it.”
“And then you want to accuse me of only being in it for the off-the-charts amazing sex?” Fuck. He had me there.
“Touché. Okay you’re right. I sighed heavily, steeling myself for what I was about to say.
“I got my final divorce papers in the mail. I had missed a letter from my lawyer telling me they would be on their way, so it was completely out of the blue, and just kind of threw me for a loop, that’s all.”
“But that’s a good thing, isn’t it? Getting the paperwork? Making it official. Is that not what you wanted, or am I missing something here?
I hesitated a moment, I wasn’t quite sure why.
“Wait. You’re glad about being divorced, right? Or is all of this”—he removed his hand from my back to wave it between us—“just a rebound thing? I mean did you do all this today, just to get back at him?”
What?
I pushed myself up to sitting abruptly, anger shooting through my veins at lightning speed.
“Are you for fucking real right now? You were there earlier, right, feeling what I felt, seeing what I saw? After all that, how can you even ask that? I mean just for starters, who in their right mind would contemplate something as complicated as us, just on the rebound? Not to mention that what we have, whatever that is, has been going on since way before that stupid paperwork came through.” I gulped in some much needed air, trying to calm down.
“Do you think I’ve been avoiding you because I’m on the rebound? How about lying to you and more to the point, myself, for Christ’s sake, about my feelings for you? Is that a rebound thing too? Maybe when no matter how hard I try, I can’t get thoughts of you out of my mind, can’t just erase your texts and block your number like I know I should; maybe that’s typical rebound behavior, also, yeah?”
Luke was staring at me slack-jawed, and I could totally understand why. I’d surprised even myself with my revelations, not the least of reasons being I’d had no intention of spilling my guts that way before the words were tumbling from my lips like boulders down a mountain in a landslide.
“Shit.” He nibbled on his bottom lip thoughtfully, rising onto his elbows so that our eye lines were level.
“You got that about right.” I was rapidly beginning to wish I’d played my cards closer to my chest.
