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”Don’t like that idea?” I can hear the disappointment in his voice.
Now I feel like shit. Of course I want to know what he looks like, but oddly enough, I also don’t want to know what he looks like. We’ve shared some intimate and nasty things, things I would never say to anyone. Seeing him would make everything uncomfortable for me. I’m awkward enough as it is, so who knows what I’ll do in his presence. And I don’t even want to think about the possibility of him not finding me attractive at all. Or…that I will find him so attractive that I crave him more than I do based on the few conversations we’ve had. He’s made it clear that relationships aren’t feasible for him, and I’d have to tell my girls about it and… No, I can’t.
“Are you there, Jessica?”
Kade
Fuck! Did I freak her out?For the last several seconds, she’s done nothing but breathe into the phone, leaving my question unanswered. I hate to think that I misread the scenario here, but maybe I did. Our meeting has been nothing short of unorthodox, but I’m great at reading people, and I swear she showed me all the signs that she was as interested in me as I am her. I allow another minute to go by before deciding to accept that I was obviously wrong about her. There are many women I can contact for some form of entertainment or another, so this shouldn’t bother me—but it does. In the short five days we’ve spent sharing details about each other, I’ve grown to care for her. Faster than I have any other woman in my life. Her spirit, laughter, and curiosity are contagious, leaving me wanting more with her than a few dirty calls.
“Okay—”
“Yes, I’m here! And I don’t not like the idea.”
I shut my eyes, letting my shoulders relax. “Thought I lost you there. What does ‘don’t not like it’ mean? Did I overstep?”
“No! You’re great. I’m…not ready for that yet.”
“Okay?” I say, my statement more of a question than anything.
“I don’t want you to think that I’m not interested. This is all so…unbelievable. You know, with the way that we met and all. It’s fun and surprisingly exhilarating, and I think… I think if we met, it’ll get awkward, because I’m awkward. There are so many variables. I’ve never been this open with anyone before, and I know that’s because we don’t know what each other looks like. There are no expectations other than a little flirting and great conversation. Putting a face to all of this changes that. Call me crazy, but I want to enjoy this mystery and freedom a while longer. If you don’t mind.”
I blink several times to wrap my mind around what she’s said. One thing I’ve learned about her is that she’s very reserved and calculated, so I imagine she’s spent time with these thoughts. She probably hoped I’d never bring it up, and though she shut me down, I don’t regret doing so. The reality of it is, her concerns are valid and make me want her that much more. It’s been equally as long for me in terms of connecting with someone on this level. Even during the years Candace and I spent screwing on and off. And I’ve been with women before that, yet nothing was ever this…this fucking amazing. I don’t know how to describe it or even feel there’s a name for it. I only know that I want whatever this is.
“I understand. I can wait.”
She sighs. “Thank you.”
“Don’t thank me. The last thing I want is for you to feel pressured. I enjoy this thing we have, so if waiting is what you need, we’ll wait,” I say to reassure her.
“I appreciate that. I don’t want anything to change with us.”
“It won’t. You’ll have to treat me extra special now, though,” I joke.
She laughs and I do the same.
“Deal! How much more special would you like?”
“I want it all, sweets. Pull out all the stops.” I smirk. “Can I at least know your last name?”
She pauses. “That’ll take away the mystery. Plus, we’ve only talked for about what, five days—”
“Okay, I get it! How about a picture then?”
“Um, um.”
“Damn, woman, you run a hard bargain.” I laugh. “So I’m reserved to just the sexiness of your voice? For now?”
“Yes. Can that be enough?” she asks in almost a whisper, the soft vibrations sending a jolt right to my dick.
Damn, I hadn’t wanted this discussion to turn sexual, but I don’t think I can help myself. Especially with this whole mystery lover façade she’s requesting.
I rub my dick through my pants. “Why don’t you use that sweet voice and tell me something dirty?” I demand.
“It’ll be my pleasure.”
