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“No,” she says. “That is horrible. I mean…he was your dad… Maybe he was too drunk.”
I scoff. “He wasn’t drunk when he killed my mother and tried to do the same to me. He just didn’t care anymore. He fully meant to burn me alive in that house with my mom’s corpse. I got my first tattoo to cover up the burn scars on my back, and I just kept going until I covered every inch of myself.”
“Yeah… Why is only your face bare?” she asks.
“It is so that I can always see it and remind myself of what I am. A sinner. This is the face of a sinner.”
After I killed my dad, everything about me and about how I saw the world changed immediately. The moment that I decided to pick up that knife was the moment I chose my path in life.
I do not regret killing that monster and I would do it again if given the chance.
Chapter 17
Amelia
“What are you talking about? You are not a sinner.”
My voice comes out louder than I intended. Rueben’s story is harrowing, something no child should ever go through.
“If anyone is a sinner, it’s your father and not you,” I say, holding his face in my hands.
Rueben smiles at me, but it doesn’t really reach his eyes. “I appreciate your words. Thank you for seeing me as more than a sinner.”
Despite the smile on his face, his eyes hold the truth, and it’s clear that he doesn’t believe me. His expression says that he doesn’t, and there was something in the way he looked at me, like I was only saying those words without actually believing them myself. He stares at me in disbelief, trying to hide his true feelings from me.
I wish I could read him so I can be there for him the way he wants me to, but he’s always been difficult to read.
“Rueben, I mean every word of what I say,” I say convincingly.
Rueben, although he’s been so nice to me and has treated me with the utmost care, has always held himself aloof. I knew nothing about him other than things that truly hold no meaning.
I’ve never felt more connected to him than I do now, and a feeling of inexplicable joy shoots through me.
“See how you defend me when only two weeks ago, you would have been quick to say that I was one of the most terrible curses to ever befall society because I belong to a gang.”
I blush and look away. “Rueben, I only say what I know to be true. I don’t think you’re a sinner for seeking revenge on the man who killed your mother and tried to do the same to you.”
He takes my hand in his. “Thank you.”
My eyes are fixed on his. I shake his hand off mine and sigh.
“Look, I know you want me to trust you, and maybe in time I might, but I just can’t do that right now. The police force I fought so hard to join because I believed they would help to eradicate evil has all but failed me, and you who I’m supposed to hate turn out to be my savior and my father’s friend.”
I sigh, tossing my hands in the air. “Can you see how difficult it is for me to trust you now?”
Rueben takes my hands once again. “I am not asking you to trust me, but I need you to know that we are working hard to protect you, and we’ll make sure that nothing happens to you.”
I cast a loving gaze at him, unable to speak the words that were already on the tip of my tongue. I lean in closer and look into his eyes.
Those eyes that once lay bottomless and bare now show so much emotion. He’s telling the truth when he says they only want to protect me, that much I know.
And just like that, the yearning for him returns, stronger than before.
I'd been thinking about the sex with Josiah and reminiscing about my time with Tanner. The way each of them made me feel was turning my head. And just before Rueben walked in, I was fantasizing about having him as well, about the things he would do to me. Thinking about that made me want him, crave him, to at least know how it tastes.
I was in the middle of that when he came knocking on my door, drawing me back to reality.
Now, the hotness, the lust, and desire I felt as he walked into my room all comes rushing back at once. I won't hold back. I can't even if I wanted to.
