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I shook my head. “Can’t tonight,” I said, turning to leave.
He dropped a hand on my shoulder. “This is a disaster. It can’t go on. The board is nervous. They know you’re not around. With no one steering the ship, man—they’re already talking about selling. If you don’t manage all this, we’re ripe for a takeover.”
I wasn’t sure I cared. I just wanted it gone. IfCody Tech was off my plate, I could move on, put everything my dad and I had built behind me. I squeezed my eyes shut and then shook his hand off my shoulder. “Sorry,” I tossed back, hoping it sounded sincere.
I heard him exhale in frustration, the breath sounding pretty close to the word “fuck” as I left the office, but then he was following me out, his footsteps right behind me.
“Hey!” he barked.
I spun, aware that he was about to lose his shit all over me, and not caring. That was the thing lately. I didn’t care. About anything.
“You don’t get to just pop in and show your pretty face and then walk away again,” he shouted.
His secretary quickly gathered her purse and muttered, “Leaving for the night.” She slipped past us and disappeared, and we were the only ones in the room.
“You don’t get to show up when you feel like it, when the rest of us are here all day and night, every fucking day and night, trying to save the company that you built. The company you’re supposed to care about!”
Another door opened and our lead counsel, Tony, stepped out. “What’s up, Oliver?” He looked bored, and for some reason it pissed me off. I was angry—not at these guys, exactly, but everyone here was so interwoven with the pain and anger I carried around that they were as good a target for my rage as anyone. And for a brief moment I was glad I’d come in. At least here I had someone to yell at. Here I could actually see that I still had an effect on people. Sometimes after going weeks without talking to anyone at all I wonderedif I might be fading away entirely. It felt good to know I was visible, capable of creating a reaction in other people.
“What’s up?” I yelled it, mocking him. I didn’t really plan to yell. I still felt like I was watching myself from above. I knew I was acting like a crazy man, but it was a fucking fascinating show. “From what I hear you and Robbie are so incompetent without your fearless leader, Adam, that you’re letting the goddamned company sink under the fucking waves! You assholes are in charge now. Can’t you fucking manage to maintain the status quo? How hard can it be?”
Tony ran both hands through his hair and sighed deeply. “It’s not that simple?—”
“Itisfucking simple!” I was pretty much having a temper tantrum at this point, so I decided to go all out and take it full asshole. I picked up a potted plant from Rob’s secretary’s desk and hurled it at the wall. The pot smashed with a very satisfying crash. “What’s so complicated, Tony? Why don’t you explain it to me?”
His face was red, but I could tell he wasn’t going to stand up to me. Tony had always been soft. Rob was leaning in his doorway, shaking his head in resignation, and it made me even angrier.
I stepped close to Tony, wanting to push him, wanting him to react. It might be good for someone to hit me. I wondered if I would actually feel it if he did. Everything inside me was deadened and dull—would it hurt if Tony broke my nose? I got in his face and yelled, “Tell me how hard it can be, Tony, to do your fucking job. Keep the board happy, don’t break the law. Have we even signed any fuckingdeals lately? Have you had to actually do a goddamned thing here? I think you spend all your time in your big leather office surrounded by your leather-bound legal books buffing your fucking banana!”
Tony just stared at me and then spun and walked back into his office. “I’ll talk to you when you’re rational,” he said, closing his door.
Fury boiled over in me and at this point I was completely out of control. I swept an arm across the top of a file cabinet, sending more plants flying to the floor with a resounding crash. The soil spilled out from the broken pots and settled into the pattern of the expensive carpeting Adam had picked out when we’d built these towers. I ground it in with my foot.
“Hey,” Rob said, coming out from his doorway, his voice quiet and his shoulders slumping forward. “Go home, Oliver. We’ve got this. Go get some rest.”
“Fuck you!” I said. “You’re the one who asked me to come in here.”
“I didn’t know you were going to go human tornado on the place.” He looked around, his face drawn and pale. “Just go home.”
Just then, the two security guards from the desk in the lobby downstairs stepped into the executive rotunda from the reception area.
“Everything okay up here?” one of the guards asked, looking around at the disaster I’d created.
“Fine.” I seethed. “Everything is fine.”
“Could you please see Mr. Cody back to his car?” Rob asked them.
One of the guards moved to take my arm and I spun. “Don’t you fucking touch me, Sal!”
He put his palms up and backed away. “Sorry, Mr. Cody.”
The other guard, Antoine, said, “Why don’t you ride back down with us? We’ll make sure you get out okay.”
My mind was a whirling mess. I knew Rob and Tony didn’t deserve my rage, but I didn’t know where else to put it. I followed the guards through the now-empty reception area and into the elevator. Once we were at the bottom, I stormed out to the parking garage and back to my car. I was a fucking disaster. And I had no idea what to do about it.
CHAPTER 4
Holland
