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“It’s really good to be back,” I said. I meant it.
Everyone left me alone that first day for the most part. Rob stuck his head in and said hello, surprise written in the arch of his brows, the width of his eyes. But he didn’t say anything else.
When Holland texted that afternoon, I let out a breath I didn’t even know I’d been holding, and as I crossed the busy street to meet her, I couldn’t help the way my soul lifted. Light filled me whenI thought of her—even when I thought of the angry way her eyes had flashed at me that morning. I’d take her any way I could get her.
I found her seated at a table in the corner, a martini glass balanced in her hand. I smiled, ready to have a civilized conversation over a drink. Holland had other plans.
“You fucking lied to me,” she said quietly, not looking at me. “You didn’t even tell me your real name.” She stared into her martini glass and I felt like I would do almost anything to feel her crystal gaze on me again.
“Holland . . .” I thought about what to say. “I’m sorry” would sound trite, too small a sentiment for what I felt for hurting her. I couldn’t explain why, but Holland O’Dell had become very important to me in a ridiculously short period of time. It wouldn’t be going too far to say I cared more for her than anyone else in my life. Knowing I might have ruined everything before it had even gotten a chance to begin made me want to tear apart the bar. I looked around, feeling desperate. “Holland,” I started again. “I made a shitty choice. And I don’t want to give you excuses about why . . . but I wonder if maybe you’ll be willing to give me a few minutes to explain.”
I felt like I was wheeling, searching for something to grasp, something that would click with her and bring her back to me. I was looking for anything that might indicate I hadn’t already lost her.
And then her eyes snapped to mine.
“Oliver,” she said. Her voice was soft and lush and I wanted to wrap it around me. Her chest rose as she breathed, and the rhythm of my heart accelerated. She squeezed hereyes shut and looked down again. “This is hard,” she continued. “Because I am really angry at you. But also because of what you told me, and what I know about everything that has happened to you.”
She’d put all the pieces together. I braced myself for the sympathy, hoping it didn’t go the other way—the misplaced honor granted me as CEO. Few people could avoid one or the other. I watched her, waiting.
“But it doesn’t fucking excuse lying.” She met my eye, a fire burning in hers that felt like a challenge, that made me want to pull her into my arms and let her take out her anger on my body. “This was important to me,” she said through clenched teeth. “You can’t even begin to understand how important. I don’t have a clear shot, Hale—fuck, Oliver, whatever the hell your name is! I’ve had to work really fucking hard for everything. And this feels like . . .” She squeezed her eyes shut. “Now it feels like even if this happens, I didn’t do it myself.”
I waited, but she stayed silent after that, her chin pointed down and her eyes squeezed shut. “Holland, this was your idea. I just lent a hand.”
“You took over,” she said. “And you knew exactly what you were doing.”
I let that sink in and tried to decide what tack to take. “Look,” I said. “We did this as a team. We ironed out the technology application together, and we took the meeting together. Smart business involves knowing your weaknesses and finding someone on your team whobalances them. That’s exactly what we did.”
“That’s what you did,” she said. She still wouldn’t look at me. “I didn’t get a choice in the matter.”
“I offered to let you go alone,” I reminded her quietly.
She squeezed her eyes shut again and her words were so quiet I almost missed them. “I needed your help.”
That was it, then, that was the issue. She hated that she had needed help. “That is not a weakness, Holland. We all need help sometimes.”
When she said nothing, my blood began to pulse faster through my veins, and I considered whether I still might lose her over this.
“Holland,” I said quietly, trying to keep my voice from rising with my frustration. “I needed help, too. I just wasn’t as graceful about asking for it. I was spinning, and the thing that stopped me was you. Your idea. The chance to make a real contribution again to something that actually mattered.”
I watched people move around inside the bar as my mind spun. “I mean, it mattered to me. You were working on something that reminded me of who I used to be, and you gave me a chance to be that guy again for a while. The fact that you didn’t know exactly who I am, where I fit—that let me just be myself.” I shook my head, taking a breath.
Holland’s face was inscrutable, her bright eyes staring into space. I shrugged, unsure what to think or feel. “I’m sorry if it felt dishonest, but I was never purposely deceitful. After everything that’s happened to me, lying is one thing I cannot tolerate. And it’s something I’ll never do.”
She raised her chin slightly, and I knew she’d heard me.She sniffed and turned to face me, her eyes less furious than they’d been.
“There’s nothing wrong with needing help,” I continued. “In business, in life. The key is trusting the right people to help, and we made a good choice in trusting each other. It’s going to pay off.”
We sat a moment longer, saying nothing, and then her face softened and she said, “I’m so sorry, Oliver.”
I shook my head. “Don’t be.”
She reached across the table and took my hand. In that moment, every fear I had fell away. Every sound in the increasingly busy bar faded to a pleasant background hum, and all I could see was Holland—those clear blue eyes holding my own. “You told me you were adopted. I understand what it feels like to know you weren’t . . . wanted.”
Her voice trailed off, but her fingers stayed on mine, warm and comforting. And her words . . . I didn’t know exactly how to respond. One part of me wanted to scream that no one in the world had ever been more wanted than she was. I couldn’t imagine wanting anyone more . . . but I knew that wasn’t what she meant, and casting her words into a sexual realm would cheapen them. I just kept my eyes on hers, letting the words sink in. She was right. Someone had decided I wasn’t enough, long before I’d ever had a chance to prove them wrong. It was a dark thought, one I hadn’t let myself focus on much since finding out.
“It doesn’t mean anything about you, though.” She squeezed my fingers softly. “I’ve had a lot of years to think about that. Someone made a bad decision, got into a situationthey couldn’t handle. It doesn’t make them a bad person, and it doesn’t mean there was anything wrong with you.”
I got the impression she was talking to herself as much as to me.
