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"I came home last night to find this man naked on my couch!" Drea had evidently been holding that in for a while, because it came out forcefully. With a lot of rage. It was kind of hot, actually.
"And I was peacefully dozing on my own couch watching the game, when this hooligan broke into my house and began making demands."
"Hooligan?" Noah asked, chuckling.
"Oh dear," Aunt Nattie said, sounding as if she'd been caught at something. "I'm so sorry, kids. This is my fault."
"Aunt Nattie," I said. "I have been paying rent all this time. Did you rent out my house to someone else? With all my things still in it?"
"Well, when you put it that way, it sounds just terrible."
"Mom!" Noah looked horrified as he grabbed a muffin from the basket and pulled off the paper. "He's family. You're double dipping?"
"No, no," she said. "It isn't like that. I didn't mean to." She squinted her eyes and put her hands to her forehead like her next thought hurt her. "Drea, darling. Can you tell me please. Is there anyone living in the unit next to you?"
"Yes," Drea said. "Mr. Mulligan. And about forty cats."
"Oh dear," Aunt Nattie said.
"Mom, seems like you'd better explain now," Noah said.
"Or," I suggested, "you give little Drea here a room at your inn, and we're good."
"Little?" Drea fumed. "And no, that would make nothing good. That would still be bad. You're family. You stay at the inn." She turned to my aunt and Noah. "Sorry. I didn't mean to yell. This..." she searched for a word. "Thispersonis infuriating." She made a face at me as she called me a person that had me doing my best to stifle a giggle. She was adorable. And "person" was her worst insult?
God, I suddenly wanted to take her to bed. Part of it was that I hated it when people didn't like me. I was a delightful person when you got to know me. A bigger part of it was that I didn't like it when women didn't like me. As a rule, women usually liked me. A lot. But most of the issue was that there was something about this particular woman that had started to get under my skin. Maybe it was simply that she didn't like me. It was novel. Curious.
"No one can stay at the inn," Noah informed us. "Every room upstairs looks about like this."
"Ohh, coffee's ready!" Aunt Nattie seemed to have recovered from whatever realization she'd had, but hadn't shared it with us so far. She poured coffee, offered us cream and sugar, and then sat back down.
"Well," she said. "There's nothing for it until I can get Mr. Mulligan out."
"I don't understand," Drea said.
"My mistake, dear," Aunt Nattie said. "I meant to rent you the other side. Mr. Mulligan's side. He stopped paying rent and told me he was leaving, but I suppose I never really made sure. I sent Wanda in there to clean the place, thinking I'd been very clear that someone new was moving in, but she must have gotten confused. Rock, you were gone, see, and so... she just put you in the wrong side, dear,” she told Drea. Aunt Nattie shrugged as if this was no big deal.
"I've been living in the wrong apartment for six months?" Drea asked, one hand pressed to her chest, a gesture that had my mind going places that were wholly inappropriate for coffee and muffins with one's aunt.
"This Mulligan guy needs to leave," I said. "Easy as that."
"Right," Aunt Nattie said, only she didn't sound sure. "It's just that, well, he's a bit of a character." This, coming from the biggest character I knew.
"Who's been living rent free for six months and didn't bother to mention it. Did he live there when I did?" I asked.
Aunt Nattie nodded.
"I've never seen the guy. Or heard him." That was strange.
"Me either," Drea said. "I mean, I've seen the cats."
Noah sighed. "Mom thinks he's a vampire."
I spit out my coffee. "Sorry," I said, wiping at the table with a paper towel. "What now?"
"When he moved in, there was a, erm... a, well. He sleeps in a coffin." Aunt Nattie looked embarrassed by this news.
"Why'd you rent to this guy?" I asked her.
