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I thought about that. I wanted there to be. But Sly had shut down completely when he’d gotten the news about school. It reminded me so much of when we were younger, the way he’d beat himself up over tests in high school. “I don’t know,” I said.
“Yeah you do,” she told me, looking disappointed in me. “Clearly he’s into you. If you want more, make it happen.”
“It’s complicated.”
“Don’t say because of Katie.” It was, though. Because of Katie, and because of Zach. I’d already spent years with a guy who didn’t want me to be me. And Sly had already demonstrated his disapproval of my job, which had done very little to quell my interest in him. Because obviously, I only liked guys who didn’t want me as I was.
I ducked under a branch, and we skirted around a fall of boulders. The bear’s den was about four miles in, but if the bears were out foraging, we could bump into them at any point if we weren’t paying attention. Betty held the tracker, pinpointing the bear on the GPS screen. Looked like Mama was staying close to the den, so we could stay on a relatively straight course.
“No, not because of Katie. Because of all kinds of other stuff. And now he’s staying all summer.”
“All the more reason to let things progress. See what’s there.”
“I guess, but there’s part of me that thinks he might have just kissed me because it was easy and I was there. Because it was probably so obvious that I wanted him to.”
She made a disapproving sound and shook her head. “Honey, you are so fucking hot and you don’t even know it. He kissed you because you’re a smoke show, not because he had nothing better to do. And if you had a crush on him in high school? I’d bet money it went both ways.”
“I don’t think so.” Flashes of the homecoming queen scattered through my mind. “I’m not his type.”
Betty sighed, leaving me to think about the last chat I’d had with Sly. I shouldn’t have offered to help him with school. It probably made him think I didn’t believe in him, in his intelligence.
He’d said something when we were young about having a sophomore tutoring him, and how it just proved he was a moron...why would he be any happier to have me offer now? Of course, at the time, I’d thought it was a dig on me somehow, that he was pointing out what a nerd I was or something.
Weird how when you’re young, you can’t see past the way words and ideas sting and bruise you, not even noticing if they’re slicing someone else to bits.
Maybe Sly felt insecure about his intelligence around me because of our past? It seemed like a stretch, but it did explain his shutdown via text.
“Mama’s on the move,” Betty said, and I moved to where she held the tracker, watching the flashing red dot move slowly away from us.
“Good.” We were still a couple miles out from the den, but hopefully the bears would be away the whole time, making our jobs pretty easy.
“How can I let him know I want more?” I asked her, my mind still flipping over Sly’s last texts the previous night.
“Do you want to? I mean... the guy’s going back to hockey soon, right? It’s not like he’ll be sticking around.”
“He’s staying all summer,” I reminded her.
“Are you okay with being a summer fling?”
“Honestly?” I thought about it. “I want to say no, but that might be perfect. It isn’t like I have time for anything else anyway.”
“Then you should ask him out. Stash the kid somewhere and give him some time to make a proper move.”
I thought about that. It still felt wrong—putting myself out there for Sly. The insecure teenager who could only talk about equations with the hot hockey player still lived within me, but I didn’t think Sly would appreciate me speaking in theorems at this point.
“Shoot, Mom’s coming back this way,” Betty said, and I peered at the dot on the GPS moving our way.
“Crap.” We switched direction, heading up a steep slope to skirt around to the den from the other side. Running into the bear wouldn’t be the end of the world, but it added a bit of excitement to the day we weren’t necessarily hoping for. Especially because mamas could be protective when their cubs were around. True for human mamas too.
As we moved closer to the den, I thought about Sly. Did I want to invest myself more in a situation that was inevitably going to end? I’d been alone since Katie’s dad took off, maybe not happily so, but we were fine. Still, the idea of spending more time with Sly was appealing. Not just because of my lifelong crush on the man, though that was part of it.
The adult version of Sly Remington was kind and sweet, sexy and fun. I’d be attracted to him even if I hadn’t known him most of my life.
Doubt crept in. But was he honestly attracted to me? I definitely wasn’t his usual type, judging by the photos I’d seen. Maybe I was just convenient while he was home for the summer.
The question was, would that be okay with me? To be a convenient summer diversion? It would be fun, no doubt about that. But could I keep my heart from getting broken in the process?
I sighed, peering through the shadowy canopy in front of us as the idea of being just a passing fancy pricked at me. I startled slightly as my phone buzzed in my pocket.
