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“So when will you go?” Cam’s shoulders straightened as he asked, and his voice was steady, but lower, like he was bracing himself.
“Right after the wedding.”
He nodded, as if he’d expected that very answer.
“You’ve told Mike?”
I was actually dreading that part. “Not yet.”
“She’ll be sorry to lose you.”
“Yeah.” I knew it was true. I also knew I might be letting her down. We’d said six months, and I think when she’d hired me, she’d assumed I would end up staying longer than that—not less time. “I wish I could make everyone happy, but I can’t. I have to try to do what’s best for me, I guess. Put myself back on track.”
“You sure you’re not on track up here?”
I looked up, catching his eyes with mine and held them. I hadn’t expected that question; I really thought he was giving up, letting me go. And maybe he was, maybe he was just talking about the job. It took me a minute to process the question and Cam went on.
“I mean, it seems to me like you’ve got a lot of things here that most people look for when they go looking, right? A great job you enjoy. A good place to live. Family that loves you…” He trailed off and I waited for him to add something else because there was one other thing here that might convince me to reconsider, one thing I knew I wanted in life that I definitely didn’t have in Austin. But I wasn’t sure it was anything I had here either, and if Cam wasn’t willing to take a step forward, I couldn’t either. I’d already tried, and he’d made it clear we were not on the same page when it came to any possibilities between us.
“This is an amazing place,” I agreed, feeling let down. “But Austin is great too. And at least there…” I paused. I wanted to say that at least there I wouldn’t have to see Cam every day and wonder why he couldn’t just step through whatever wall held him back and acknowledge how much we wanted each other. I wanted to beg Cameron, throw things at him, do whatever it took to get through to him. But he was too afraid to take a risk, and I wasn’t sure I could handle another rejection from him. I was getting that now, I didn’t need him to spell it out for me again.
“Right,” he said.
“Look,” I tried. “Even if I stayed here, you’ve made it pretty clear how you feel about things. It’d be easier for me not to do…” I waved my hand back and forth between us. “Whatever this is. All the time.”
“If you stayed—“ he started.
“If I stayed, what?” I demanded, frustration and desire mixing inside me. Could he really tell me what might happen if I stayed, could he tell me he’d get out of his own way and give us a chance? “If I stayed… what?” I said, my voice almost a whisper, barely audible over the yips and playful growls of the dogs.
He stared at me a long second, and my mind chanted to the beat of my heart.Please. Please. Please.I needed to hear him admit his feelings, tell me he wasn’t going to be afraid anymore, that maybe we could get through fear and uncertainty together because there might be something much greater at the end of that dark road. His face cleared and for a second, I felt sure he was going to do it, take that step forward. Then he said, “I’m sure your dad would be pleased if you stayed. Even if he doesn’t care about the promise.”
“And you? What do you care about?” I’d seen the way he cared for his sister, the careful way he looked out for her. I’d heard him talk about his dad, I knew he cared for him too. I was even certain of Cam’s feelings for the dog at this feet. But I needed him to tell me he cared about me.
Cam watched me with wary eyes for a long minute, then dropped them. “I want to tell you to stay,” he said. “I want to tell you a lot of things.”
“Then tell me,” I said, my voice almost a plea.
He shook his head. “Wouldn’t be fair to you. I can’t ask you to stay here for me when I can’t promise—”
“It’s a great opportunity.” I cut him off. “I’d have to have a really good reason to turn it down.” Maybe he’d been about to say we had a chance. Maybe he might have been about to tell me we could try. And as much as I wanted to leap across this pen full of puppies and fling myself into his arms, I could see the hesitation in every line of his body, and I couldn’t put my life on hold if he wasn’t willing to try. I couldn’t put my entire life on hold for maybe. “I would like a puppy though. If the offer still stands.”
He watched me for a long minute, saying nothing, then crossed his arms over his chest. I tried not to appreciate the way the corded muscle bulged beneath the rolled up sleeves of his shirt, the way the ink flexed with it, begging my fingers to follow those dark lines. I forced my feet to stay planted, commanded my gaze to drop to the puppies. “I’ll be sorry to see you go, Harper. And of course you can take a dog.”
There it was. He was going to let me go.
Of course he was.
Chapter 17
CAMERON
Tuck and Harper took over the pre-filming for Maddie’s movie, working through the shots they could get prior to the big event. I’d planned to be involved, but Tuck kept waving me off, telling me they had it handled, and I regretted letting him bunk with her in the house again. I could see the lights on up there late into the night, and pictured the two of them getting closer, pictured Tuck stepping in and offering Harper everything I couldn’t.
I’d practically begged her to stay when we’d been standing outside with the puppies.
Well, maybe that was an exaggeration. But I’d hinted that she should. That maybe things would be different if she weren’t leaving.
At least that was what I’d really wanted to say. I’d been thinking about what Maddie had said, about what Harper had said herself. That maybe I was letting fear get in the way of what I wanted—that the idea of losing someone again was too hard to allow the possibility of getting close.
