AllFreeNovel
Share Us
She pulled her head up to look at me, confusion clear in her eyes, the wrinkle between her brows. “What?”
“We shouldn’t have done that,” I said, dropping her gaze but unable to release her from my arms, to give up her warmth yet. I’d hold her a few minutes longer, hang on to the way she felt nestled against me, tuck this feeling away and hope I could retrieve it later when the loneliness came back cold and icy. “This isn’t … I mean. This can’t happen again. I’m not …”
“You’re not what?” Her voice was more shrill. Was she getting angry? I wouldn’t blame her. God, I was an idiot.
“I can’t …”
She sat up then, her arms releasing me and her back straightening. She turned to face me as she sat on the edge of the couch. “Don’t you dare say this was a mistake. Don’t tell me it can’t happen again. Don’t become a cliché, Cam. Just spare me that much.”
But that was all true, except the mistake part. It was, maybe, but I’d never take it back. It was a delicious mistake I intended to remember for a long time. But not one I could repeat.
When I didn’t answer immediately, she went on, her voice deepening as she leaned toward me, her eyes never leaving mine. “I’ve wanted to do that from the moment I first met you,” she said. “I know it’s not cool for women to say things like that. I’m supposed to play the game, to be hard to get. But that’s not my style, and I don’t think it’s yours either. The fact is we’re attracted to one another, and lord knows we’ve got proximity on our side.” She waved a hand toward the house she was renting, just a few steps outside my front door. “We’re two consenting adults, so don’t you dare throw me lines about mistakes and regrets.”
She stood and pulled her panties back on, completely unaware that her defense of what we’d done, her complete dismissal of my self-loathing, and the way her body moved as she dressed herself had me wavering on the edge of doing it all over again. She pointed a finger at me. “I’m going to go back up to that big empty house now,” she said. “And I’m going to spend the day remembering exactly how fucking much I wanted this, so don’t you dare tell me that you’ll be down here regretting it. And I’ll tell you something else,” she continued. “I’ll be up there wondering when we might do it again. I’ll be thinking about where we might do it again too, considering options as I look around that oversized empty mausoleum up there. The big bathtub seems like an option, the master bedroom for sure. Maybe the front porch if the mosquitos aren’t too bad. Don’t you dare tell me this was a mistake, Cam. Because it wasn’t. It was fun, it was good, and if I have anything to say about it, we’ll be doing it again. Sooner rather than later.”
Harper’s cheeks were blazing red and her eyes were glassy. Her hair was falling down around her shoulders, perfectly messy and beautiful, and I realized then how much trouble I’d created. She was standing there, lecturing me about all the places she hoped we might have sex again, and I wished fervently that somehow it were all possible, that in some alternate timeline I could stop worrying about death, stop mourning, and just face forward and live. God, I wanted that, but something inside me made it impossible.
And wanting something didn’t change things.
I stood, still undressed, and parts of my body made it glaringly clear the effect Harper’s words had on me. And I surprised myself. I pulled her back into my arms, and then leaned down, scooping her up like a child with her legs dangling over one of my arms. And I carried her into my bedroom to repeat the mistake we’d just made.
* * *
“I thoughtyou were busy being Mr. Regret,” Harper teased, running a finger over my chest as we lay in my bed late that morning after making a couple more mistakes of various kinds.
“You made a very convincing argument.”
“I do have a history of getting my way,” she said, her voice light and calm.
I tightened my arms around her. “You definitely had your way with me this morning.” Light banter didn’t come easily to me. I heard the forced sound of my own voice and cringed, hoping she didn’t notice.
“Why were you running away in the first place?” she asked. “What is it you keep here, locked up so tight?” She tapped a finger against my temple softly.
“Confusion is pulling me apart,” I admitted. “I’m worried about getting close—I told you that.”
“The curse,” she said softly, inviting more.
I didn’t make a habit of talking about feelings. I never had. “Yeah. And guilt,” I said, unable to explain more than I already had why I wanted to keep her away.
“Right.” She looked thoughtful, but she didn’t move out of my arms. She wasn’t giving up.
An unexpected relief washed through me and I felt my resolve loosen at her persistent presence. But behind it was fear. If I got used to this, she would still be leaving in six months.
She moved in closer to my side, pressing herself against me, encouraging me.
“God, I just…” I looked at her, unable to find words to explain anything.
Her eyes met mine and I reached into the amber depths, finding understanding there. “Cam,” she said softly. “That sounds exhausting. And lonely.”
I held her close, listening to the matched beats of our hearts. After a minute another noise interrupted the peace I’d found.
Someone was knocking loudly on the front door. The dog in the front room barked, a surprisingly ferocious sound, considering how exhausted I knew she was.
“We’re not done with this,” Harper promised, hopping out of bed and pulling her clothes on in a hurry. My own clothes were still in the front room, so I retrieved some new jeans from the drawer and pulled on a green T-shirt before going to the front door.
“Dude.” It was Tuck, and now that I saw him standing there, I remembered that he said he’d be driving up. “This place is pretty awesome.”
“Hey man,” I said, and reached out a hand to shake. Tuck ignored it and pulled me into a hug, slapping my back.
