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Just before bed, Dan insisted on going out to look around the yard in order to finalize some plans. I was trying to finish up installing some shelving in the master bedroom for Addie, so I told him to use his phone flashlight and be careful. As Addie and I worked together to put up the shelves, I had a strong sense of serenity—everything was working out.
Daniel came in after about twenty minutes, and at first I didn’t notice the limp.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” I asked him.
“Nothing. I’m good.” He shrugged and walked away, but the limp was definitely not a good thing.
“Hey,” I called after him. “Why are you limping?”
“Dad,” he insisted. “I’m fine.”
I should have been more insistent, but hindsight is twenty-twenty.
The following morning, I took Dan to school and went into the store, to find Virgil and Emmett grumpy and muttering with their heads together.
“What?” I asked, almost afraid of the answer.
“That gnome showed up here last night,” Virgil said, his face dark as he crossed his arms over his chest.
I laughed. “Oh, the new feud gnome? Thaddius?”
“Laugh all you want,” Emmett growled. “This means war.”
I shook my head, dropping a hand on the counter loudly enough to startle a customer wandering past. “Sorry,” I told her, waving toward the garden pots she was examining. Then I turned to my cousins. “This doesn’t mean war, actually. This means that both sides of this stupid feud have agreed to take the whole thing down a notch. We’re moving this ridiculous feud to level where it can’t hurt anyone’s business or prized possessions, to a place where we can continue pranking each other but know that it’s all in good fun.”
They just stared at me, their faces remaining dark.
“Where was the gnome?” I asked.
“He was sitting out front on one of your Adirondack chairs this morning when I opened,” Virgil said.
“That’s perfectly harmless,” I said.
They exchanged a look.
“Was he holding a sign that said ‘Tuckers are Fuckers?’”
“No,” Virgil said.
“Was he holding a sign that said, ‘Store clearance, everything must go’?”
“No,” Emmett said.
“Was he doing anything besides just sitting innocently in the chair?” I asked.
“No,” they admitted.
“Good, then if you can handle yourselves appropriately, you have permission to take on the responsibility of placing the gnome next. Harmlessly. Without any kind of vandalism or criminal activity.”
Virgil sighed. “Fine.”
“Good,” I said.
The rest of the day progressed calmly, with Thaddius standing next to the register, adding a bit of spooky charm to the place to honor the approach of Halloween.
* * *
That night,Addison was waiting for me at the house with lasagna, garlic bread, red wine, and the most beautiful smile I could imagine.
