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The crowd shifted, waiting for the punch line.
“And what was it?” I asked him, walking over to lean the mic down so he could answer.
“She told me it was one of the best ways to make other people feel dumb and told me to start doing the crossword puzzle every morning. I guess she knew I was a little bit of a bully—not that I’m proud of that now,” he said. “But she was trying to give me some ammo and make me a smarter kid in the process.”
“Did it work?” I asked him.
“I finish the Times crossword every Sunday, and I bet I’d beat most folks in this tent in a spelling test. ‘Cept your gran, of course.” He stood up then and bowed deep. “Thanks for putting me on the right path, Principal Manchester.”
The crowd loved that and Gran’s little face wrinkled in an “aw shucks” smile before she batted her hands at everyone, embarrassed at the attention.
“Gran tries to pretend like she doesn’t care about people,” I said, scanning the crowd and purposely avoiding Ryan’s gaze. “She acts like she doesn’t really want to get involved in things, like she’d rather just keep to herself. But my Gran is one of the most perceptive and insightful human beings I’ve ever known.
“When our parents died when I was seven, I didn’t like Gran. She was herself—straight to the point and maybe a teeny bit abrasive. She’d been that way since I was tiny. And when Mom and Dad died and she put us in the back seat of her car and told us we’d be living with her, I was terrified. But I’ll never forget the way she turned around and looked at us sitting there scared. She stared at us for a couple minutes, remember Jules? And then she said something I’ll never forget. She said, ‘I’ll never be your mom or your dad, and I’ll never try to be. Your little hearts are broken right now, and I won’t pretend that’s going to get better. Your daddy was my baby, and my heart is broken, too. But I’ll tell you what we’re going to do, the three of us together. We are going to eat a lot of ice cream, play a whole bunch of Monopoly, and have as much fun as we possibly can. Because that’s what your folks would have wanted for you. And for me, too.”
I wiped at my eyes, wishing that memory didn’t always transport me back to my seven-year-old self, feeling so broken and sad there on that big bench seat next to my sister.
“And that’s what we’ve done,” I continued. “Gran became our parent, our confidant, our best friend, and our harshest critic. And I can’t imagine my life without her. Happy birthday, Gran. We’re so lucky to have you.”
“Let’s eat the cake before the angel of death comes for me, for God’s sake!” she called out. I swallowed my sentimental tears and laughed.
I nodded toward the catering staff, and they rolled out the cake Ryan had helped me make. I’d finished it when he’d disappeared earlier in the day to wherever it was he’d gone. It was a Black Forest cake, because that was Gran’s favorite. But it was in multiple tiers, and the entire thing was decorated with fondant armor and weapons and World of Warcraft characters I’d found on the Internet.
Gran’s face lit up at the sight of it and she clapped her hands together in front of her, standing to blow out the nine candles on top of the cake—one for each decade. The crowd broke into a round of Happy Birthday as the DJ played a track of birthday music over the speakers. I fitted the mic back into the stand at the front of the dance floor and went up to give Gran a hug. I’d done something right, at least, and happiness found a place next to all my sadness and confusion as I hugged her.
“Thank you, Tessy,” she said, her eyes shining up at me as I let her go.
My heart squeezed a little bit in my chest. “I love you, Gran,” I told her, kissing the top of her head.
I’d let myself get carried away, had become distracted with things that were completely outside my control, and had been ignoring the whole point of this weekend. Gran. My rock. My best friend. My family.
I should have been with her this weekend, and instead, I’d let myself become wrapped up in the trappings of celebrity life. I had allowed myself to fall so easily into the bright lights and promises that went anywhere a certain hot celebrity couple went. And now, as I smiled at my sister and Ryan, I resolved to remember. His hand rested atop hers on the table, and she leaned comfortably into his side. I ignored the little twist of wistfulness that made my stomach churn.
Being jealous of Juliet was exhausting. And useless.
And letting myself believe anything was possible with Ryan was just a symptom of that same old jealousy. He was hers. Real or pretend, he was hers. He came with her, he’d leave with her, and together, they were part of a world I wanted nothing to do with.
I told myself I’d be happy when they were gone again, and sat down to console my aching heart with a huge piece of black forest cake.
Chapter Twenty-One
Ryan
Ifelt, more than saw, the moment when Tess had come back inside the tent. While my body was on autopilot, dancing along toUptown Funkwith Juliet, much to the delight of the cameras and Alison Sands, who was furiously scribbling something as she stood at the edge of the dance floor, my mind was laser focused on the door. Where had Tess gone? Was she coming back?
The relief I felt when she had stepped back in with too-tall Tony was like dropping a load of rocks I didn't even know I was carrying. I just wished Tony would go ahead and move on. I didn’t like that he shared history with Tess, that he knew things about her I was dying to learn. I didn’t like the light in his eyes when he looked at her, the hope he clearly felt. And I didn’t like it when she held his arm as if he was providing some kind of support she needed, like right now.
Tony walked Tess to the microphone at the front of the tent, and the music cut off, so Juliet and I went to sit down. And then Tess began her speech.
Juliet might have been the actress in the family, but that didn’t mean Tess wasn’t well spoken or captivating in her own right. She was incredible—delivering her heartfelt words with perfect timing, confidence, with a shine in her beautiful eyes.
If I had doubted my feelings for her—crazy and too fast as they were—I was certain of them now. I couldn’t explain it, and if you’d told me I would ever believe in love at first sight before, I would have told you to fuck right off. But here it was. I loved her. I loved the sweetness she exuded, the grace with which she moved, the gentle smile she gave her Gran. I loved her hesitation when she caught my eye, and I loved her honesty.
Maybe I loved Tess because it was so clear she knew exactly who she was. And that kind of certainty wasn’t something you found in folks who spent their days pretending to be other people for a living.
When she finished speaking, I stood without thinking much about a plan. I just needed to talk to her, to be close to her, cameras be damned.
She had just taken a huge bite of cake, and I sank into the vacant seat next to her, feeling Juliet’s eyes on me from across the table, watchful and curious.
