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“For you,” he mouthed.
“You want help opening it?” Delia asked, still looking worried.
I was so confused and overwhelmed, dizzy and sick, that there was no way I could casually stroll over and unwrap a seven-foot-tall package without something terrible happening. I nodded.
“Present by proxy,” Delia told Oliver, pulling the huge red ribbon from the front of the box.
“What is this?” Pamela asked, her eyes wide as Delia worked.
Inside the wrapping was an unmarked cardboard box which gave no hints at the package’s contents, leading Delia to put a hand on her hip and shoot Oliver a look of sheer disbelief. One of the guys from development stepped forward with a pocketknife.
“Will I hurt it if I cut it open?” he asked Oliver.
“Don’t cut too deep,” Oliver said, waving him forward.
Between Delia, the developer with the knife, Pamela, and a few other people who stepped up to help peel off long panels of cardboard, the present was finally revealed. And I was finding it hard to breathe for the tears that were threatening to spill out of me. Oliver stood next to the huge thing looking uncertain, glancing between me and Delia, and then up at the soft smiling face of the enormous stuffed giraffe next to him. The giraffe was at least twice as big as the one I remembered from the nursery in Tessa’s house, and I had no doubt it was the biggest and best giraffe Oliver could find. It wore a blue bow tied around its neck and the ridiculousness of having the silly huge thing standing there in Cody Tech’s main conference room, coupled with the overwhelming outpouring of friendship from my co-workers and Oliver’s strange speech, was almost too much. I couldn’t speak for a few minutes, trying to pull myself together.
There was a quiet chatter in the room as people tried to figure out what the appropriate behavior might be for such a situation, and I wanted to tell them I didn’t know, either. But I figured I should at least stand up. I did, and walked on shaky legs toward the huge stuffed animal, my heart swelling as I looked up at it. “Thank you,” I said, when I was close enough for Oliver to hear me. It was the closest I’d been to him in months, and I had forgotten the magnetism he radiated. His proximity made me want to melt into his arms, the vague scent of his cologne sent my insides quivering. I chanced a look at him, and felt swept away by the emotion I saw in his eyes. What was all this? What was he doing? It only made things so much harder to stand this close to him again, to have him bringing gifts and apologies. I loved the giant giraffe—I loved what it meant, what he knew it symbolized to me. But if I couldn’t have him…it didn’t matter. I felt my heart breaking all over again, and began to be angry with him for doing this to me in front of a room full of people. People I worked with, no less. “I don’t—” I began.
“You don’t need to say anything,” he said. “But I need to talk to you.” His voice was low enough that most people in the room couldn’t hear him. Delia and Pamela pretended to be examining the giraffe, and that left Oliver and me together, secluded before the crowd. “I need to ask you to forgive me, Holland, but I don’t know if you can. I was so wrong. So…I ruined everything.” He shook his head and rubbed a hand across the back of his neck, his jaw flexing beneath the scruff of his beard as he searched for words. “I was so afraid,” he said, meeting my eye. “I was so afraid of being betrayed again, so ready for someone I cared about to hurt me, that I imagined it into being.”
“I didn’t—”
“You didn’t do anything. I know. You were honest with me. You were up-front and genuine, and I panicked and ran. I’m so sorry I haven’t been here for you through this pregnancy. I know it can’t have been easy. But I want to be here now, if you’ll let me. I want to be part of this, I want to know my child. I want the chance to love him. To love you again.”
I stared at him, trying to piece together the words and then feel out what they meant. I knew I still loved Oliver, despite the months apart—some of the most difficult of my life. And I knew I could forgive him. But I didn’t know if I could trust him. “I want to forgive you,” I said, my voice weak and shaky to match the state of my heart. “And I do. It doesn’t do us any good to have regrets, to hold grudges.” I’d learned that lesson as a child. There was too much pain in wishing to change things you couldn’t. “But I don’t know what you want from me. I don’t know if I can give it. What’s coming next…I have no idea how it will be, or how I’ll be…” I trailed off. Motherhood was an unknown frontier for me. I already felt like a different person from the one he’d met less than a year ago, the girl who was so focused on ticking things off her plan that she would have done anything to get to the next step.
“Do you still love me?” Oliver asked, his chin high. So brave. I could see how hard it was for him to ask that question, how aware he was that I might say no.
“I do,” I admitted.
“Then tell me we can try. Tell me you’ll let me take care of you and our son.”
My head was nodding before my heart or mind had really confirmed what I wanted to say, but it felt like the right thing. I wanted Oliver next to me, a part of me. I wanted to be a family, and if that was what he was really offering, the only answer was yes.
Oliver looked uncertain, like he wasn’t sure I really meant it, and then his face cleared and a smile spread over his full lips. He leaned in and wrapped his arms around me carefully, pulling me to him.
I let my head fall against his hard chest, feeling the steel of his arms around me, protecting me, claiming me. And once again, I felt like I’d arrived at the place I’d always meant to be, the place I’d searched for my whole life. Home.
Some of the people in the room had wandered out, back to work, back to the grind of the regular day. But many had been too curious to leave, and now they erupted in a chorus of hoots and cheers, applause clattering in my ears. Someone in the room called, “Kiss her!” And Oliver did.
The kiss was tender and searching, and I felt Oliver asking me for reassurance, for certainty. I tried to offer it, but my heart was a drum that echoed in my dizzy head, and my legs were rubber. If Oliver’s arms hadn’t been around me, I’m not sure I could have remained standing.
“Duchess, are you okay?” he whispered, his mouth leaving mine to whisper in my ear.
I nodded, though I wasn’t at all sure. Everything had happened so fast. I stepped back to my chair, gave the remaining guests a sheepish grin and bobbed my head at Delia to continue passing gifts down. I’d have a stack of thank-you notes to write—there were so many presents! But the best thing I got was the knowledge that I wouldn’t be alone in this, that Oliver was here, would be here.
Being without him for months had given me time to think. And the same thoughts flew through my head over and over where he was concerned. It didn’t matter if we worked together. It didn’t matter if he was the CEO or that some people might jump to conclusions about how I’d gotten my position. I could live my life worrying about what everyone else thought of me—I’d certainly done a lot of that as a kid. Self-consciousness was like a tattered old sweater that still felt comfortable and familiar, but one that was best left in the back of my closet. I would choose to be happy instead, choose to embrace the good things in my life and work to keep them close.
As I opened the last gift on the table, the baby kicked, as if to signal that he was on board with the resolve I’d found.
