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Chapter 12
Holland
Hale returned from the bathroom with a self-satisfied smile on his face, and I felt terrible when he looked at me and it fell away. I knew he hadn’t smiled much lately, and I didn’t want to be another person to make him unhappy.
“I’m sorry.” The apology fell from my lips before I even had time to think about it. “I probably shouldn’t have done that.”
“We did that, Holland,” he corrected, pulling on his pants. “Together.”
“Right. Well, it’s not the usual thing for me…It’s just…” I turned to look at him. He stood there, next to my bed, in bare feet and blue jeans. His broad chest was smooth, except for a trail of dark blond hair leading from his belly button into the waist of his jeans. His muscles stood out, each abdominal muscle defined in the way that had always confused me—how did anyone manage to get them so toned? I knew mine were in there somewhere, but they remained well hidden. “I’m not really a spontaneous kind of girl. I let things get a little out of control there. I don’t do this…I don’t want you to think I’m like that,” I said, feeling the creep of embarrassment climbing my cheeks.
“Do you think I’m like that, then?” Hale said, his voice taking on an edge that stung. He looked hurt.
“No. I mean…” I pulled my shirt on and stood in front of him. “I don’t know. We really just met. That’s why we probably shouldn’t have…” The truth of it hit me but seeing the pain on his face made me regret the words. We had just met, but I’d chosen to bring him here, to let things progress. And though I regretted the action in theory, no part of me actually regretted sleeping with Hale. There was something about him I trusted, even if it seemed like I shouldn’t. I tried to backpedal. “You, Hale…you’re different from other guys I’ve known. And honestly, I haven’t known any guys lately. Not for a long time, really. It’s just…” My voice trailed off and I tried to think about what I could say to explain how I felt. “I didn’t expect that to happen. Maybe it was just all the stress about the MLB thing…” I turned away from him, rubbing a hand over my face and looking for some rational thing to explain what I’d just done.
“Neither of us planned it, Holland.” He took my hand lightly, letting his fingers clasp mine gently and then slide away.
“That’s what’s wrong.” I shrugged, facing him again. “I plan everything. You don’t know me that well, so you don’t know that about me. But I don’t really do spontaneous. I don’t do ‘fun and carefree’—that’s not usually me. I guess you caught me off guard. This did.” I gestured between us. “This…whatever this is. Was.”
“Is,” he said softly, turning and pulling his shirt on. We walked out into the living room, something awkward and strange between us, but the confusion I felt dissipating somewhat.
I felt like a fool. Who lured a man they hardly knew to their apartment, acting like a wild creature and then apologized for it? Maybe Hale and I were a good fit. He swung madly between arrogance and vulnerability, and evidently I swung between rational and sex-crazed fiend. I laughed to myself at the irony of having done something so completely against my nature. “There’s a lot going on right now,” I said, the chuckle still in my voice. “That was fun, Hale. But with this presentation coming up…I just need to focus.”
“Then let’s get it done.” Hale pulled my computer from the bag he’d dropped by the door when we’d come in. He shot me a look. “And then maybe we can focus on some other things.” The suggestion was clear in his voice and his face, and I felt the wavering desire that had led us here—to my bed—in the first place.
I nodded, but felt guilty. I’d taken Hale’s entire day now, and was beginning to wonder if he didn’t have other things he needed to do with his weekend. “You don’t have to stay.”
“You still need to work out the narrative for the tech presentation.” He sat down at my kitchen table and pulled up the slides we’d finished earlier.
“Um.” I pulled the other chair to his side. “Okay.” I watched him flip the switch from powerful sex god to all-business Hale. Part of me was disappointed. With the business side of Hale hard at work, the heady intimacy between us faded. This version of him was focused and smart. And I wondered how the hell he could think when my mind was filled with split-second images of what had just gone on in the room next to us. I knew I’d be seeing him above me in my dreams for years to come. He was the single hottest man I’d ever slept with.
As Hale pieced together the story that went with each slide, he checked in with me, making sure I was comfortable with the wording. But most of the time, he kept his eyes on the presentation and leaned forward in concentration. I watched him work and wondered exactly how to categorize what was happening here. A relationship was absolutely not part of my plan right now, but a little voice in my head was asking if it would be the worst thing to let the plan reshuffle itself a bit. I wanted to chalk up what had just happened to the stress, or to my years-long dry spell, but those things didn’t explain the easy conversation, the sweet, tender time we’d spent walking through Santa Monica. It didn’t explain why even when I’d been annoyed at Mr. Big Dick in the coffeehouse, I’d been wildly attracted to him at the same time.
“There.” Hale sat back three hours after sitting down to finish the tech slides, and grinned at me. “Now you just need to finish your wrap-up and you’ll be golden.”
I scanned through the presentation. He’d simplified the complex drawings he’d helped make, and highlighted the main attributes that should make this a no-brainer for the potential client. He’d made notes beneath each slide to help me keep my narrative on track as I went. Now I just had to get through the meeting.
I watched Hale get ready to leave, wanting to draw the moment out and unable to keep myself from asking, “Do you have fun things planned for the rest of the weekend?”
He stopped moving for a second, and then his eyes found my face and he shook his head. “Do you, Holland? Have fun things planned?”
“Well, I’ll probably practice the presentation four thousand times, just to be sure I’ve got it nailed. That should take me right up to Monday morning.”
“Don’t stress about it, it’ll come naturally. You know this stuff.” He shook his head, dropping his shoe to the floor and then catching my eye again. “You shouldn’t be in sales. You belong in analytics.”
I shrugged. “I’m working on that. If I nail this, I’m hoping I’ll catch the attention of the execs, and they’ll find me a spot over there.”
He looked thoughtful, the dark eyes clouding as he said, “I’m sure they will.” He broke our gaze and reached for his shoe again.
“Thank you for all the help, Hale.”
He shook his head, dismissing the idea. “Don’t stress yourself out about the presentation. You’ve got it.”
I shrugged. “I’ll be okay. I’ll have to fake my way through some of the details. Hopefully they won’t ask too many questions.”
He leaned in, closing the space between us, taking my jaw in one hand as he gazed down at me with liquid eyes. “You’ll do fine,” he said. And then he leaned down and brushed his lips across mine, sending sparks skittering down my spine. “What time is the meeting?”
“Nine o’clock Monday.”
