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Miriam giggles. Helena shakes her head with exasperation, trying to hide the smile on her face. Quinn replies, “I’ll take that as a yes.”
By the time I’m done recounting the last couple weeks, starting with Josiah’s birthday and ending with today, I’ve finished my second cosmo. “Now, I don’t know what to do. I miss him, but I don’t know if I want to risk everything I’ve earned professionally. I finally found some security for me and Josiah. I don’t want to lose it.”
The girls all look at me with sympathy. They might not have kids yet, but of course they understand. Each of us has put in thousands of hours of hard work to get where we are. Each of us has our own stories of struggle and challenge. And now that we’ve made it, at least by some measures, it’s scary to consider something that could erase all that security, even if that something is love.
“First off, Justin is a wanker,” Helena spits out. “I’m ninety-nine percent sure he’s only hanging around to get out of paying child support. He certainly isn’t acting like a concerned and responsible parent.”
Miriam and Quinn nod. Sadly, I agree with them. When he first showed up, I had hoped he wanted to build a relationship with Josiah. But the evidence clearly suggests otherwise.
“And Amara, sweetie,” Quinn jumps in. “You have to realize that Justin is going to be a dick regardless of whether you’re single or dating or doing whatever the hell you want.”
Helena continues, “Do you want your ex to have any kind of influence on your current decisions? I mean, he’s your ex for a reason.”
“This isn’t about Justin,” I counter. “It’s about making sure Josiah and I are okay.”
It’s Quinn who responds this time, “But besides Justin, weren’t these last couple weeks better than okay? It seems to me you need to consider a couple things. First, do you want to make the choices for your life from fear or from faith?”
That’s a big question. It rings through me with the purity of a bell, knocking loose some of my resistance. Faith has gotten me this far. Do I want to change my behavior now and let fear take the wheel? Somehow, I don’t think so.
“Second, if you haven’t already, I think you need to have a conversation with Josiah and find out how he feels about Patrick.”
Stunned into silence, I realize she’s right. Josiah and I are a team, and while I’m definitely the parent, my choices affect his life too. He should at least get a chance to tell me what he thinks.
Miriam adds softly, “You can always find another job. But finding a man who loves and supports you is special. If Patrick is that guy, he might be worth the risk.”
“That said, we’re here for you no matter what.” Helena raises her glass for a toast. That’s the thing I love about these ladies. They’re just the right amount of wise, supportive, and fun. “To friendship.”
“To friendship,” we echo before taking a sip of our drinks.
Later that night, after I finish reading Josiah his bedtime story, I pose my question. “Hey J-baby, can I ask you something?”
“Sure, Mom.” He blinks at me from where he’s tucked under my arm. I’m propped against the wall with a pillow at my back. We’re in our regular storytime position.
“What do you think about Patrick?” I ask. I want to start out general and get his first impression.
“Do you mean Mr. Pat?”
“Yes, Mr. Pat.”
“I like him.” He nods his little head. “He likes superheroes, just like me. Plus, he talks to me like I’m a grown-up.”
Now, to carefully dig a little deeper. “What would you think if I dated Mr. Pat?”
“You mean, he’d be my daddy?”
“Not yet, J-baby.” I can’t hold in my giggle. “Right now, he’d just be spending more time with us.”
Josiah chews his lip, thinking a bit. I give him time to form his thoughts. After a minute, he nods again. “I’m okay with it. As long as he shares his superhero toys.”
A smile takes over my face. You’ve got to love how kids’ minds work.
“I’ll make sure he shares.” He’s so sweet and genuine. I love him so much it’s hard not to pepper his face with kisses. I restrain myself to one on each cheek, then tuck him into bed.
“Goodnight, J-baby.”
“Goodnight, Mom.”
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