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Harper touched his elbow, and the gentleness was not lost on him. He didn’t know if it were out of comfort or that she was afraid he might break. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.” The words held more bite to them than he meant. He ran a hand over his face like that would somehow wash the uncontrollable emotions away. Closing his eyes for a brief second helped ground him. He opened his eyes and looked right into the sweet kindness of Harper’s gaze. “I’m okay, really. You don’t have to worry about me.” She had more than enough to deal with, and she definitely didn’t need to take care of him too. “What are you doing today?” He attempted normal conversation to divert the attention away from him.
“My mom called… said she’s sober. I don’t believe her, so I’m going to stop by unexpectedly and see how full of shit she is.”
“Maybe she’s not. She’s done it before.”
“Not this quickly. And even if she is, how long is it going to last? A day?”
“If there’s anything I’ve learned in the last week, it’s that tomorrow isn’t guaranteed. Don’t wake up tomorrow and regret something you could have changed.”
“And what am I supposed to change exactly? My mom’s an alcoholic. There’s nothing I can do to change that.”
“No, but you could be a little bit more compassionate toward her.”
Harper’s sweet eyes turned to liquid fire. “Compassionate?” A perturbed laugh bubbled out, which meant she was about to erupt into a rant of epic proportions.
He held his hand up, a sad attempt to snuff out the fuse he unintentionally lit. Or maybe it was intentional. Judy hadn’t exactly been the poster child for good parenting, but most times she did her best. Harper could never throw the woman a damn bone, always on her case for not being like all the other moms. Harper was so blinded by her disappointment that she couldn’t see that beyond Judy’s problems she was just as kindhearted as Harper.
Was she perfect? No. She was far from it, but after having a gun pressed into his neck, he was seeing things differently.
“She wasn’t compassionate when she passed out drunk and forgot to pick my brother up from work. She wasn’t compassionate when she was making a scene at Schmidt’s and I had to go down there before they called the freaking cops on her. Or what about the time they did call the cops on her? How she blamed me for not getting there fast enough. Like it was my fault she doesn’t know when enough is enough. So no, I don’t need to be a bit more compassionate toward her.”
“Harp, all I’m saying is life is short. What if tomorrow something was to happen and there isn’t a next time? You know damn well you’d never be able to forgive yourself if your last interaction with your mom was a bad one. So give her a chance. Don’t go in there expecting her to be inches from falling off the wagon. Go in there, knowing every day she gets a little farther from the edges, and who knows, maybe you’ll be surprised.”
“I guess it wouldn’t hurt to try.”
“What?” He held a finger to his ear. “I think I misunderstood you because it sounded like you said you are going to try.”
She shoved his shoulder, and the warmth of her touch spread through him. The easy banter they always had was a breath of fresh air from the constant horrors in his mind. This was what he loved, what he missed. He just couldn’t get beyond the feel of the gun in the back of his neck. Even Harper, in all her beautiful light, couldn’t erase those memories from his mind.
“Do you want to come?” Harper smiled, and he held onto that goodness.
“No, I’m going to catch up on some of the shows.” Getting out of the house was probably a good idea, but Harper needed to handle her mom without him having to be the bumper. He loved Harper and would do anything for her, and maybe by doing that, he was making things worse.
He always diffused situations with her mom, getting in the middle and calming Judy down or convincing Harper to leave well enough alone. This time, he was staying out of it. He couldn’t protect her from everything. Heck, he couldn’t even protect his damn self. When it came down to it, he was helpless. It was better for everyone if he stopped thinking he was anything more than that.
“Tom would love to see you. Talk about your brush with death.”
Milo forced a smile as if her words didn’t grate on him.
“I’ll catch him next time. Go spend the day with your family.”
“I’d rather spend the day with you.”
“Jasper will be with his lifeguard buddies tonight. I’ll let you pick the movie.”
“Anything I want.”
“Don’t make me regret it.”
She tapped her pointer against her chin. “I’m thinking Beaches.”
He shook his head. “You know that damn movie makes me cry.” The movie no matter how good it was, was pure torture. It could bring the most stone-cold person to shed a tear, and with the way his mind had been lately, he didn’t want to chance it. One tear slip might break the dam, and falling apart in front of Harper wasn’t going to happen. He had to be strong for her. “Any other movie. I’m vetoing that one.”
“Such a spoilsport. I’ll have to think about it then.”
“You have all day.” He kissed her forehead, absorbing her warmth, hoping it would knock away the chill that lingered in his bones since that night. “Tell your mom and Tom I said hi. I’ll see you later.”
