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Anger at the shitty hand of life he was dealt swelled inside him. He bit back the rage.
“Please.” Her words were a mere whisper, but the impact was hard and intense.
“Because!” His temper got the better of him. The word cut through the air like a wrecking ball, knocking Olivia back and leaving her wide eyed and stunned. He ripped his shirt down, revealing his scar.
“You want to know what this is?” he asked.
“Yes.” Her voice was small, too small.
“This is a scar from a port—adevice that was placed under my skin so I could receive chemo.”
Her lips parted, and her eyes filled with disbelief. “Chemo? Are you… are you dying?” she asked, pain filling her tone. And that right there was exactly why he couldn’t drag her into his life.
“I beat it, but that doesn’t mean it can’t come back in some form or another.”
Moisture pooled in her eyes, and he could see the pity forming. She reached out to him, but he didn’t want her comfort. He didn’t want her to feel bad for him. He fought and he won. And he would continue fighting, but it was his battle, not hers.
He stepped back, and her hand fell limply to her side. He slipped out his phone and tapped his screen before sliding his phone back in his pocket.
“I can’t do this,” he said.
“Do what?”
“Stand here and let you feel sorry for me.”
“I…”
“It’s okay. I get it. Comes with the territory.”
“Can’t we just talk about this?”
He didn’t want to talk. She’d just try to justify everything, and he didn’t want to be the one to burst her bubble. There was no justifying anything. People lived and they died, and when he allowed himself to get attached, all that followed was heartache and misery. “There’s nothing to talk about. You know everything now.”
“So, you finally open up to me and that’s it? You want nothing to do with me now?”
He didn’t want to look at her, but he needed to be firm in his stance. “It’s for the best.”
“That’s a fucking lie and you know it.” A tear fell from her lid and she swatted it away. “I thought you were different. I thought that you saw me for me.”
“I do.” He saw her for exactly who she was. He’d watch her grow from that blubbering mess on the train to a strong, confident woman who wasn’t afraid of anything. It was because of that, he couldn’t stay.
“No, you don’t. If you truly saw me, knew me, you would know that what I see when I look at you is not pity. I see a man who has been through hell and fought like a beast to be where he is now. I see a man who is incapable of letting people in, so he uses his past illness as a scapegoat. You’ve been fighting your whole life, and now you just want to give up.” She straightened, thrusting her shoulders back. “That’s fine. I deserve better. I deserve a man who will fight for me.”
Her words hit him square in the gut, knocking the wind out of him. The sadness etched into the sides of her eyes and corner of her mouth was like tiny knives to his heart. He resisted the urge to go to her. He never wanted this.
He was supposed to be the rebound. The girl didn’t fall in love with the rebound.
His lips parted, but like a sign from above, a horn blared outside.
“What’s that?” she asked,
“Your ride. Tell Milo, thanks.”
With that, Shane walked away from Olivia. He thought he made the right choice, but as he shut the bedroom door and collapsed on the bed, he couldn’t help but wonder if she was right.
Had he given up?
Chapter 21
