Page 28 of All Because of You
“Listened, yes, but sometimes conveniently forgotten what I’ve requested, or worse, willfully ignored.”
Ouch.
As much as she wanted to deny what he’d said, the truth was, she couldn’t. “Okay, sure, maybe sometimes, but I still listened.”
“But just listening isn’t enough anymore, Dana. That’s the problem.”
A portent-laden pause filled in the air between them.
“So... where does that leave us?” she asked quietly.
Kurt let out a soft sigh. “I need a little time to work this through, okay? To try and suss out what I think will work for us both.” He looked into her eyes. “Can you give me that?”
“Of course.”
“Thank you.”
Dana gazed into the distance, trying to find anything in the beauty of the landscape surrounding her that would ease the bony fingers of apprehension that clutched at her. And if what she and Kurt were talking about right now wasn’t enough, another concern rose to scratch a nail against her nerves.
“Have you… have you spoken to Gary?”
He narrowed his eyes. “No. Why would I?”
“Well, you’re clearly pretty upset. If there was ever an opportunity for you to rub my nose in it and say ‘told you so’…”
He closed his eyes briefly. “I’d never do that to you. Even as upset as I am right now, I wouldn’t do that.”
She leaned over to hug him for a long moment. Eventually, he brought his arm up and held her gently by the shoulder.
“Thank you,” she whispered, pulling back.
He gave her a tight smile, but there was little comfort in it. Everything about him—his posture, the weariness in his eyes, the tone of his voice—it all reinforced her earlier suspicion she’d pushed him too far. If there was a tiny silver lining in any of this, it was that he hadn’t simply given up and walked away. He was still here, still talking to her. And he was talking of a plan, and that was at least a starting point.
“So…” she began hopefully, “dinner tonight?”
“Maybe.”
Maybe. Why did that single word send a snake of fear slithering through her more than anything else he’d just said?
“Okay. Do you… do you want to be alone right now?”
“Yes. If you don’t mind.”
Yes, I do mind. I want to talk this out, Kurt. I want to get past this, forget it, go back to the way things were. Why do things have to be different now? Why can’t we go back to what we were before and have been for seven years? Why?
She knew the answer. He’d told her. But accepting that meant accepting she needed to compromise, and…
Patience and compromise. Two things she had an incredibly difficult time doing.
But with discipline…
“I’m going to go now,” she said quietly, getting up.
He simply nodded.
She stood staring down at him for a second, fighting every instinct to move back, to take him in her arms, hope for him to come around and hold her and comfort her the way he’d done so many times in the past. To be there for her the way he’d always been. When she’d needed it but hadn’t recognized how much she had.
Friends with benefits.
