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I mean, we’d called and texted, and I’d kept up with his social media stuff, but we’d both been caught up with life. So, it’s been great hanging out with him when he comes to visit, especially because Caelan is crazy handy and a fantastic teacher.
The big downside is apparently my brother has a capability kink, and if he’s around while Caelan’s getting all manly, things get gross really quick. Edith helps exactly zero percent by eggingit on like the dirty perv she is. Since the beginning of summer has meant a lot more shirtless construction going on, she has been hanging around like a loveable, loud, bad smell.
Roan has been stopping by whenever he gets the chance, absolutely thriving whenever he gets to go all boss man mode telling me how to do things. It takesevery single shredof my willpower to not back talk and give him grief when he does.
Which is probably why I fail so often.
That and it’s so insanely hot when he gives me that intense frowny glower like he wants to lecture me. Or put me over his knee and spank me for my sass.
I’d been on a roll one day last week and called him Daddy. Thank the Gods my brother had been outside harassing Caelan because I’d seen an unmistakable flair of lust flare in Roan’s eyes as he’d pointed a finger firmly in my direction.
“No.” He’d flushed all the way to his horns when I winked in response. He’d gotten extra growly afterwards too, his shoulders tense, and hevery definitelytried to keep me from being able to catch sight of the crotch of his pants. He spent the next twenty minutes hiding it like a pregnant actress on a sitcom attempting to hide her belly.
Nothing more has happened between us. Which is frustrating as fuck—the man only had to breathe in my general direction, and I end up with the world’s most inconvenient erection.
At least we are getting to know each other, which is cool. I guess. Except my pesky feelings keep getting in the way, my little crush blooming into an overgrown garden of unrequited, complicated feelings.
It’s pathetic, really, how every small smile or joke we’ve shared has made my heart flutter and my knees go weak. Or the way it felt like the cottage is starting to feel like a thing we are building together, to be shared.
It was only yesterday that I’d brought him his iced tea, sweetened just the way he likes it, like I do every day now somehow, and we’d bickered like an old married couple about the exact shade of cream to paint the walls. Seff ended up walking out, completely fed up, mumbling something about foreplay and getting it over with already under his breath.
From his mouth to Roan’s ears, I wish.
But Roan was steadfastly keeping things platonic between us. Just like I have steadfastly avoided that conversation I’d told Seldon I’d have with him about my freakout.
Now, it’s been too long, and it would just be plain awkward to bring it up again. Especially now that things are smooth between us.
Funny how that happened.
It’s not like I’m hoping that he’ll just see how entirelynotvulnerable I am and be impressed with all my hard work and growth and sweep me off my feet to his bed. At all.
On the topic of growth, between all the work on the cottage, andso much cleaning, and my shifts at the tavern, I’d successfully avoided looking, or dealing with the remnants of my old life.
But last night, in the quick break between the two jobs, I’d found the strength to finally turn on my phone and laptop. They’d been sitting there since Tor had dropped them off, haunting my room with their presence, except for their brief trip to the cottage to charge after Seff’s electrician had okayed the wiring.
Unfortunately, there’d been so many emails and alerts, both had gone nuts when I turned them on, so I left them to update in peace while I’d worked, and I’d been too tired to bother with them when I’d gotten back to my room.
There had been a rowdy gang of orcs playing drinking games with a reptilian shifter crew out in the patio garden, and I’d beenrun ragged keeping up with their drink orders and clearing up the giant mess they’d made of the place.
The group of fauns that had had an unfortunate run in with Roan's temper also made their hesitant return last night. When they saw me working, they almost left in a panic, but I reassured them that it was all fine and there was no harm done and then I made Roan give them a bottle of Caelan's rose wine as a peace offering. He grumbled adorably about already apologising, but I just stared him down until he caved. He likes to act like he’s this big tough berserker fae, with those muscles and horns, but he is just a giant softie.
Unbidden, my eyes find their way to the laptop and phone sitting on the table in a stream of morning sunlight. I’ve been lying here far too long already, wasting the cool temperatures of the morning catching up on some rest where I can.
The dreams had been bad last night, and I feel like I’d barely slept at all. Darius had been chasing me through the Woods until they had turned into the grounds of the University, a new landscape no doubt inspired by my impromptu opening of the laptop.
I felt the terror of my dream almost like an actual memory, the pain in my bare feet as they’d been cut and scratched as I ran, the tightness in my chest. I felt it all until I’d woken up just moments before Darius’s hand wrapped around my arm.
I have no idea why he is guest starring in these horrific dreams—Marieth barely even guest stars anymore. Like, yeah, he’d been a major dick and emotionally abusive, but I’d never once been scared of him. He’d never been violent or raised a hand to me.
He wouldn’t have dared.
It would have ruined his hair.
The only explanation I’ve managed to come up with is that my subconscious has somehow confused all my emotional baggage about our clusterfuck of a relationship and its ending andeverything that had happened with Marieth, making it this one hot mess of a nighttime adventure.
Which was why I’d made an appointment to speak to a psychologist in Twin Heads. I had to wait a couple more weeks to get in, but it should be good. Probably.
At least I’m keeping one promise to Seldon.
