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“Mmm baby, I’m sorry… should help you with that.” His voice is soft and heavy with sleep, but he continues to grind himself into me. And sure, it wouldn’t take much more to make me come, but instead I kiss the back of his neck, where his curls fade out to the elegant curve of his neck.
“Don’t worry about it. You just go to sleep.”
There is only another sigh, as he squeezes the arm wrapped around him and then the soft snores of his sleep. I may not have him forever, but I have him for now. And that’s enough.
Caelan
The camp falling quietwhen the music ends is what wakes me. It has to be somewhere around dawn, and I think the party is finally winding down. The air in the tent is freezing. I can see the little white puffs of my breath in the dim light.
Tor is wrapped around me like an octopus. He loves to sleep this way, half on top of me, hands holding wherever he can grab, his legs tangled up in mine. I breathe in his sweet and spicy scent, stroking my hand up and down his spine. Leaving Tor, and the cosy nest that is our bed, sounds like torture, but nature calls, so I carefully untangle us, huffing a laugh at Tor’s sleep-muffled whining. I try to be as silent as possible as I slip into my pants and thick socks, layer up my jumpers and stick my feet in my boots, and head out to find somewhere private.
Spending all this time with Tor has been unreal, everything I could have hoped for during those long months of messages and calls, but I miss my home. I miss my bed. And most of all, I miss indoor plumbing. Actually, just plumbing in general.
I manage to make it back to our tent just as the second shift starts up. The bonfire is being stoked back to life and barbecues are being turned on again, the smell of bacon and eggs permeating the air. The need to leave here, to get away from the pack and the itchy anxious feeling I have here battles hard against the undeniable pull of a proper hot breakfast.
I think I can even smell fresh coffee.
I slip back into the tent, wincing at the loud zipper sound, not wanting to wake Tor.
“Wheredyougo?”He is still half asleep, face stuffed into my pillow. I hunch in the tiny tent, stripping a couple of layers and my boots, admiring the curve of his back and the wing slits along his shoulder blades. Another bonus of a bed would be time to explore each otherproperly.
Ugh. We need to get home. Maybe, if Theo is safe and well, I can convince him to stay a couple of days. Groaning pathetically, his arm reaches out blindly, trying to find me, then drops to the bed.
“I just had to take a leak.” I drop on the bed, sitting on the covers, and Tor raises his head to give me a disgruntled look. He’s not usually great in the mornings, but he’d had a few more beers than me last night and is probably feeling it, making his already sulky behaviour worse.
I brush an errant curl from his forehead, tucking it behind his ear, thumb brushing against his cheek. Tor leans into the touch, pressing his face against my hand as he shuffles closer until his body is against mine.
“You’re wearing too many clothes,” he grumbles. I like him all sullen like this, his blue eyes soft, his lips all pouty. Unable to resist, I lean in and give him a quick kiss, then sit up and smile.
“Well, pulling a Seff walking through camp butt-ass naked would have made a statement. Especially after last night.”
Tor whines again, rolling on to his belly, digging himself further into the inflatable camp pillows. “Oh Gods.They didn’t hear me, did they?” He raises his head and scowls when I can’t contain my laugh. It comes out as a snort.
“Babe, even if theydidn’thave supernatural hearing, you struggle to be quiet at the best of times.” Rather than answering, he just grunts and flips me off, making me laugh again. “Enough of this.” I smack his perfectly round butt through the bedding, his little grunt muffled by the pillow. “There is breakfast cooking and I want to get out of here as soon as we can.”
Tor finally rises, sitting up to kneel behind me, hands drifting up my arms to settle on my shoulders. His fingers begin to knead the tight muscles there, digging into the tense flesh through too many layers. I can feel the heat of his stomach against my back as we both lean into each other like two magnets,unable to pull away. A grumble of pleasure vibrates through my chest as his talented fingers manage to find a particularly tight spot, massaging it away.
“I’m sorry. We’ll leave as soon as we can.” My heart does that little flip-flop thing when he presses soft kisses against my neck, his hands never stopping their firm but gentle ministrations. I lean further into his touch, taking the comfort he offers. “Has it been awful being here?”
I take a moment to think and answer his question honestly. Because while ithasbeen hard, it hasn’t hurt as much as I thought it would.
“Honestly, I don’t know. I think the hardest part has been how itisn’thard. I want to still be angry at them. Ithurt. It hurtso much,Tor, when they rejected my bid for pack. On top of losing my grandparents and, Gods, even Seff. I was all alone, and ithurt.” I pause and take a deep breath, letting the lump in my throat dissolve under Tor’s affection. He nuzzles his head against mine, allowing me the time to get the words out. “But I grieved. And I healed. And I got used to being alone. I thought I was still angry that they turned their backs on me when I needed them, but I get it. The pack can’t go against its leader, and no one was going to throw down for a mixed breed outsider.A shifter who can’t even shift. It was a shit situation all round."
"Now I don’t have that feeling, that anger towards them. I don’t know what to do with them. I can’t forget that they rejected me. Even though they are technically my family, some of them by blood. Shifters,wolf shiftersespecially, talk such a big game about pack unity and family… then they turned their backs on me when I needed them most. How do you build a relationship from that?”
Tor kisses my neck and wraps his arms tight around me. “You don’t have to do anything. You don’t have to build a relationship if you do not want to, Caelan. You can go back to your home and never see them again if that’s what you want, but it might be nice to know that the offer of some kind of relationship, whatever it looks like, is still there.” The sleeping bags rustle as he shuffles his way around to climb into my lap, wrapping his arms around my neck. I cup his bare ass and give it a squeeze, and he rewards me with a dirty grin.
“You don’t have to be alone anymore, Caelan. There are people who lo—” Tor stumbles over his words, and I don’t miss the flash of vulnerability in hiseyes, “Care about you. A lot. All you have to do is open up to it.” Heat floods my stomach as I stare into Tor’s icy blue eyes.
There is a promise there, and I don’t want to look away but that feeling curling through my veins is too much; it feels dangerous. Instead, I drop my forehead to his and breathe him in, letting him calm those irritated edges of my soul.
***
Leaving camp takes longer than I had hoped. I get pulled into more hugs goodbye, and backslaps, and promises of not being a stranger than my little introverted heart can handle.
It takes even longer for Tor, who feels the need to say goodbye to everyone in the pack twice over. Margie even makes sure that we are loaded up with extra sandwiches and snacks before we leave, refusing to take no for an answer. It’s a sweet gesture, accompanied by a soft, knowing look in her eyes that makes that pile of rocks in my stomach even bigger. I don’t know if they’ll ever pass.
Seff stumbles out of his tent just as we are about to leave, scratching at the golden hair on his stomach and rubbing the sleep out of his face before he shuffles over to pull Tor and myself into a hug goodbye, stuffing us under his massive arms, smashing our faces into his pecs. Thankfully, he is wearing a tee shirt.
