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Lis: <3 More than kinda. How is it being back there?
Me: Quiet, lonely, too far away from you. I miss you so much.
The chat goesquiet for a few minutes, and I hope Lis isn’t trying to censor what she’s really thinking or what she wants to say to me. Just as I’m about to tell her exactly that, a message comes through.
Lis:I miss you too. I hate being apart from you.
Me: Me too. I’ll be home soon, babe, I promise. I love you and our little bean. Please look after each other.
Lis: Love you too and I will xx
“Alright O’Connor,let’s see what you can do.”
I’m at the top of an easy run, the mountain below me something I normally wouldn’t think twice about skiing down. Hell, I could do it in my sleep if I wanted to.
But today, everything feels different.
I’ve been back in Park City for a few days now. Days that have basically been spent getting scans and seeing the doctor and the PT out here. I haven’t spoken to my original surgeon, but I did have another brief conversation with Mandy, who once again disagreed with everything the team doctor said.
I’ve also been talking to Lis every day, keeping her in the loop with everything that’s going on. I don’t want there to be any secrets or miscommunication between us ever again, which is why I’ve made sure to FaceTime her every morning and every night since I’ve been back.
But holy fuck, do I miss her.
“You good?” Brad, one of my teammates asks. He’s a skier, not a jumper like me, but he’s a cool guy and probably one of the few people on the team who knows about my reluctance to be out here so soon.
“Yeah,” I say with a shrug, even if that is a total lie.
It’s just a straight run down the mountain, no turns, no jumps, nothing complicated. So why does it scare me so much? Sucking in a deep breath, I glance down at where I know the coach is waiting for me. And then I push off.
Despite my initial fear, I can’t deny it feels awesome to be gliding down the slopes again, but then again, this is easy shit and probably minimal stress on my knee.
When I reach the bottom, the coach is there, a huge grin on his face as he walks over. “Fantastic, that looked like a walk in the park, right?”
“It was fine,” I say, knowing it was nothing like what I normally do as part of the team. I fucking jump, I don’t ski.
“Alright, we’ll go again,” he says. “But this time, let’s have you run one of the slalom tracks.”
“What, you mean?—”
“Just easy stuff, Nick,” he says, cutting me off. “A couple of turns, no big deal.”
No big deal? Fucking hell, that’s easy for him to say when he isn’t the one out here, skiing with a fucked up knee. I’m still wearing the compression bandage, which Mandy basically told me to keep on twenty-four-seven, in addition to icing and elevating my leg each night.
I head back up the mountain to the run, doing as the coach asked. I take it easy the first time down, going a fraction of the speed I’d normally go. He calls me out on it too, making me do it again and again until I’m finally flying down the mountain as fast as I can go.
It’s fucking terrifying, because every time I hit one of the poles and am forced to turn, my whole body tenses up as I anticipate the pain in my knee. Which comes every time, a sharp, jabbing pain that radiates out from my knee. By the time the coach lets me stop, my whole knee is aching.
“How’s the knee holding up?” he asks after he gives me a quick debrief on my form.
“Sore,” I admit.
He smiles, nodding once as he says, “To be expected, but it’s all good. Tomorrow we’ll have you back out there, but for now rest up.”
“You want me to check in with the doc?” I ask, wondering if maybe he’ll think differently when I tell him how much my knee is aching.
“Nah,” the coach says, shaking his head. “I don’t think you need to do that. Just rest up and tomorrow we can try some jumps.”
I want to ask if he’s kidding right now, but I don’t. Biting my tongue as I turn and head back to the accommodation. By the time I reach my room, I’m practically limping, my knee sore as all hell and I’m wondering if I’ll even be able to walk tomorrow, let alone ski.
