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Lis moves her hand so it’s covering mine, a sad smile on her face that tells me she doesn’t quite believe me. “Are you sure,” she whispers, and I can hear the worry in her voice. “I don’t want you to regret this.”
“Lis,” I murmur. “Why would I ever regret this?”
She shrugs. “Because you’re giving up your dream,” she whispers. “Everything you’ve ever worked for. And I don’t want to?—”
“Well, I guess all the rumors were true after all!” comes a voice, cutting off the rest of what Lis was about to say.
We both pull back to find Ana and Russ standing in the doorway to the lodge, huge grins on their faces. I’ve only really gotten to know Ana since I’ve been back, but Russ has been around for a while, going to the same high school as us, even though he was a year or two younger.
I smile, wrapping my arms around Lis and pulling her into me. “Fucking Badger Creek gossip mill never could stop, could it,” I say, my grin huge now, because I actually don’t give a shit if anyone knows about me and Lis and everything that’s happening with us. The more people that know she’s mine again, the better.
“Well, what else are we gonna do around here?” Ana asks with a smirk.
“I don’t know, your jobs,” Lis teases.
Ana rolls her eyes as she walks toward us, her arms open as she moves to give Elissa a hug. “Well for the record, now it’s official, congratulations.”
“Yeah, congrats, dude,” Russ says, shaking my hand. “I mean we all knew obviously, that you two were back together, but yeah, congrats.”
“Thanks,” I say with a laugh.
“So what’s it all mean, you quitting skiing?” he asks, glancing at Lis. “Giving up the Olympic dream or whatever?”
“Well—”
“We’re still sorting out the details,” Lis says, cutting me off as she shoots me a quick glance, our conversation from earlier still needing to be finished. “In the meantime, how about we get started with the day?” she adds, tipping her head to the door where the first of the early morning skiers are ready to pick up their gear and passes.
Ana and Russ flag them over as Lis walks over to her office. I follow her in, closing the door behind me. “Babe, seriously, you’re allowed to tell people I’m staying.”
Elissa turns, leaning back against her desk. “It’s not really anyone’s business,” she starts. “But maybe we should hold off until you’ve spoken to your coach? What if you change your mind?”
I walk over and rest my hands on her shoulders, letting out a sigh. “Elissa,” I say, my gaze locking with hers. “I’m not going to regret this, babe,” I say, picking up from our previous conversation. “I want this with you, and I really want you to believe that.”
Elissa reaches up, her hands gripping my biceps. “I want to, Nick, but this was your dream, we both know that.”
“Babe, it was your dream once too and you gave it up. Do you regret it?”
Elissa stares up at me, a mix of emotions flashing across her face. I know why she gave up her dreams and I understand it too, but I think deep down, we both know that while there might not be regret, there will probably always be a lingeringwhat ifthat will never fully disappear.
“I never want to be the reason though,” she whispers. “It’s why I told you to go back then and why I’m telling you, you should go now.”
I close the distance, pulling her into my arms as I drop a kiss to her forehead. “Lis, you are my reason for everything, you always have been. But you’re not making this decision, I am.” I kiss her softly. “Iwantto stay here with you, and I am never going to regret that, okay. I love you.”
Lis rests her forehead on my chest as she lets out a big sigh. “I love you too.”
Chuckling, I ease her back so she’s looking at me. “Wanna say that like you mean it?” I tease.
She rolls her eyes, but she’s smiling as she says, “I love you too. I just don’t?—”
“Nope,” I whisper, silencing her words with a hard kiss so she can’t question this anymore.
Elissa’s body presses against mine, her grip on me tightening as she kisses me back. I know she’s scared about this and deep down, so am I, but it’s not the regret I’m scared about. I’m scared about what I do next, about who I become and how I give her everything she needs.
I can live without the Olympic dream, maybe because for weeks after I fucked my knee, I thought it was already over and I have somehow now come to terms with that. But I can’t live with disappointing Lis.
“You should really talk to your coach,” she eventually says, pulling back. “Before this all gets back to him from someone else.”
I smile. “Well, I mean, I don’t think he’s part of the gossip mill around here, but I’ll see if I can meet up with him today or tomorrow, okay?”
