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“What do you mean?”
I shake my head, not even wanting to talk about this with everything else that’s going on. “Mandy doesn’t think I’m ready, neither does my surgeon. The team doc and the coach think I am. I’m not sure who to believe.”
“Yeah, but surely, they wouldn’t…” She pauses, her eyes searching my face like she knows there’s more, before she asks, “What else did he say?”
She’s still sitting in my lap and my arm tightens around her, because I really don’t want to be having this conversation. It feels way too close to the conversation we had years ago when Lis was telling me she couldn’t come with me to college, but that I should still go without her. We’ve been down that road before and it sucked and almost destroyed us. I do not want to go there again.
“Nick, what aren’t you telling me,” she asks, grabbing my chin so I can’t look away from her.
My eyes close as I shake my head, but her grip only tightens. Opening my eyes again, I say, “He wants me to move back to Park City.”
I see the fear flash across her face before she has a chance to hide it. But then she plasters on a smile, her hand falling to her lap as she says, “Nick, that’s great, really great. He must think you have a shot at being back on the team, right, he wouldn’t say?—”
“Lis don’t,” I say, cutting her off. “Don’t do that.”
“What?”
“Don’t tell me to go.”
“Why, it’s what you want. It’s what you’ve been dreaming about.”
“So are you,” I say, my voice louder than I intend. I scrub a hand down my face, desperate for this not to turn into an argument. “How can I go now, Lis?” I whisper, my eyes meeting hers. “I’m gonna guess you won’t be coming with me, right?”
Lis gives me a sad smile because we both know what she’s going to say. “How can I?” she eventually whispers.
My eyes close as my head falls to her shoulder and I tighten my arms around her, pulling her close. I hate that we are back here again. That even though the circumstances have changed, we once again find ourselves back in the same situation we faced as teenagers. Wanting to be together, but everything else going against us.
Only to make everything a million times more complicated, I have no idea if Ishouldbe going back to Park City right now; if I’m even ready for it. Plus, how the hell can I leave when Lis is pregnant.
“We’ve really made a mess of things, haven’t we,” Lis whispers.
I lift my head, cupping her jaw as my thumb brushes along her cheekbone, so many emotions warring it out on her face, just like I imagine they are for me. I have no idea what to feel right now; surprised, happy, confused and scared.
I don’t want to lose Lis, that’s the only certainty I have. But almost as soon as I think that, I realize I also don’t want to not have this baby either. It might be unexpected and happening way earlier than we would have planned. But like so much of our relationship, just because things haven’t happened the way we thought they would, it doesn’t mean I don’t want it.
Idowant this. Elissaandour baby.
“I love you, Lis,” I whisper, leaning in to kiss her as a wave of certainty washes over me. “We’re going to work this out.”
Lis opens her mouth to say something, but before she can, her words are cut off by the sound of the doorbell echoing through the house, followed by my phone chiming out with a text message.
6
ELISSA
And then my phone begins to go off, the chime of an incoming text message immediately followed by the sound of it ringing. I knew I should have turned my sound off, and I also should have known that no one can keep a secret in this ski village. Thank fuck I made it here to tell him before this shitshow started.
“Guess the secret’s out,” Nick says, making his way toward the door. “Should I open it?” He looks over his shoulder at me, a smile on his face that makes my knees weak.
“Are we excited about this?” I now ask him, testing the situation, but already knowing his answer. I can tell by the look on his face that even with all the uncertainty, he’s happy, the way he practically bounds to the door, excited to share the news with our friends.
“Fuck yes, I’m excited,” he calls, making his way back over to me. “Are you, Lis?” He’s now testing me, and as much as I was terrified when I first found out, I’ve come to terms with it all. And excited is definitely what I’m feeling, especially knowing we’re going to do this whole parenting thing together. It’s all I really wanted out of this when that test came back positive.
“I am,” I reply nodding, the doorbell ringing again along with a steady knocking that tells both of us it’s Alex or Max. “Looks like we’ll be telling our friends we’re back together, huh?”
Nick grabs me, his arms around my waist, he lifts me up off the ground, swinging me around, both of us laughing.
“I’m pretty sure they already know,” Nick jokes, setting me down. He kneels down in front of me, his hands resting against my stomach, he presses a kiss between his hands.
