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I shrug, considering it for the first time. “I just want him here, so he’s here.”
“I’m not saying Loris is right about you being a God, Viola,” he starts.
My groan could rattle his windows. “Not you, too!”
Zeph shakes his head, his hand reaching across the table toward me. “I’m not saying you’re a God. But I am saying the control you have over magic, how it effortlessly responds to you, and the length of time you’ve been holding that shadow spell indicates you’re more than just a vessel.”
If I admit that this unnatural control over the magic I just gained is more than just a byproduct of being Himureal’s chosen vessel, then I accept the truth that Max’s death was caused entirely by my magic.
I’m not ready to accept that truth, even though my body screams at the verity of it.
I chew the foods Zeph set out for me quietly, unable to speak into existence how I really feel about his claim. Eventually, he clears his throat, and I meet his eyes. “Did you… Did you ask Mace about Link? I saw you leave with him last night.”
The food in my mouth practically turns to dust. I force a swallow. “Yeah, I did. Thank you for telling me.” He winces, and I can see on his face that he didn’t want to be the one to share this truth with me.
We sit in a comfortable silence, and anyone who looked in on us would see nothing more than two lovers enjoying a meal after a night in each other’s arms. No one would guess I was sitting across from a man who may have been complicit in the murders of my parents.
“Did you know about the winners, Zeph?” I cannot read his face as he lowers his mug and meets my gaze.
“I did.” The admittance is a punch to my gut, and I move to push back from the table and bolt. “I found out when I was a child.”
A child? I lower myself back to my chair, waiting for him to continue. “I overheard Stone telling my father. I never learned the why of it until you came here. I wasn’t supposed to know - only Stone and Mace did. So, I struggled to act on it. Everyone else believes the humans are sent to a village a day or so walk from here to live comfortably but separately. I needed to find out why before I could do anything to stop it.”
“No, you didn’t need to know why! You knew innocent people were being slaughtered! And not just the winners but the Expendables! There was never any Godly sacrifice.”
His green eyes fall downcast sadly, and he speaks without looking at me. “The citizens of Ytopie don’t know the Gods are missing, Viola. The expendables are just as much a show for them as it is for the Lowlands.” I wrack my brain, trying to remember if someone had told me that prior to this conversation, but my head feels waterlogged and heavy from lack of sleep.
I let my excitement of developing magic, of finally making it to Ytopie cloud my judgment. I trusted everyone I met almost immediately. Their beautiful words and faces felt hard to deny.
“What have I gotten myself into,” I mutter, burying my face in my hands. What am I doing here, breaking bread with a society of people who would happily see my Race die? Regardless of the good Gods could bring back to the world, was this really the only way to get there?
A firm hand between my shoulder blades jolts my head up, and Zeph is there, so close I can smell his scent of smoke and ripe fruit. “Viola,” he murmurs, gently turning my body to fully face his. From this angle, he looks down at me with reverence. There is a glint in his eyes that could almost be mistaken for hunger, and it churns my stomach with unease.
I meet his gaze, hardening my face to his approach. “Viola, you’ve taken in an insurmountable amount of information in just a day. You’re in no state to make any decisions.”
My nose wrinkles at his words. “I can make my own choices, Zeph. Besides, there is no choice to be made. Everyone in this city is itching to use me. Even you. You want to use me as a weapon, right?”
He drops his hand from me, flinching at my words. “Who told you that?”
I snort out a laugh, shaking my head. “No one had to. You said it yourself that I am powerful enough to restore balance. That sounds like a weapon to me.”
He’s silent, his face giving nothing away to how my words make him feel. “You want to use me as a weapon, Mace wants to use me as a vessel. Loris wants to use me as a fucking God. No one has asked me what I want.”
He tilts my chin with his finger, a paternal gesture that makes my skin crawl.
“I don’t want to use you, Viola. I just want what’s best for you.”
Chapter 43
Zeph
Ishouldhavekissedher. I wanted to, badly. Her full lips trembled with a delectable mix of sadness and anger. I have always found myself attracted to sad women.
I guess it’s the savior in me.
But instead, I held back, giving her space to grieve despite my baser instincts wanting to take control. She deserves that much from me.
I heave myself onto my bed, savoring the memory of Viola wearing my clothes. The whole of Ytopie could’ve seen her, dwarfed by my shirt and wearing my underwear as shorts, as I walked her back to her sleeping quarters.
