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“The contract.”
My stomach flips and I squeeze my eyes closed. “Yes, I signed a contract beforehand. It was a business transaction. I made a deal to get pregnant with a man I barely knew, and now, I’m telling you about it. And, as long as we’re being fully transparent, I want the Earth to swallow me whole right this very second.”
She clutches my hand in both of hers. “You haven’t looked me in the eye once since you walked in here, sweetness.”
I crack one eye open. “Did you hear the‘I want the Earth to swallow me whole’bit? I’m kind of—okay,a lotembarrassed.”
She gives me a sympathetic smile. “You’re my daughter. Nothing you do could embarrass me.”
A memory snaps into motion. My first day back at school after the accident. Mom offered to hang back while I walked on ahead of her. “This is the first time your friends will see me with the scar. I don’t want to embarrass you.”
“You’re my mom! Nothing you do could embarrass me.” I’d grabbed her hand and pulled her down the sidewalk with me, ignoring the stares and whispers.
“You remember that?” I whisper, tears pooling in my eyes.
“Of course I do.” She squeezes my fingers. “Do you remember that little boy with the curly hair?—”
“The one who started crying.” I roll my eyes. Even now, it makes my blood boil. “I’ve never wanted to kick a four-year-old so badly.”
“None of it bothered me, honey. You know why? Because none of it botheredyou.You accepted my scars, and I accepted yours.” She stretches up and places a kiss on my forehead. “Nothing has changed.”
I want to just accept her love and move on, but shame still swirls deep inside of me.
“This is a little bit more than the scars from some accident outside of my control, though,” I say softly. “I made this choice. I chose to accept Arsen’s offer and have his baby… even though I knew he was married.”
“To a woman he didn’t love.”
I do a double-take. “He told you that?”
“Not in so many words, but I’m more perceptive than I look. It’s how I knew something was up with you, even though you wouldn’t talk to me.” She winks slyly.
More guilt washes through me, hot and unrelenting. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have avoided you. But I didn’t want to tell you the truth, and I was tired of lying. I was a coward.”
“You’re many things, Laila Barnes, but a coward is not one of them.” She sounds offended on my behalf. “You’re stubborn, you fixate on silly things, your singing voice can make birds fall out of the sky dead?—”
“Gee, Ma, don’t go too overboard with the praise there?—”
“But you’re kind,Laila Barnes,” she continues. “You’re smart and witty. Most of all, you’re as brave as they come. Which is how I knew something was up. It’s how I knew something was going on between the two of you.”
I pull my hand back. “What are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about Arsen, Laila.” She sighs, a smile curling the corners of her mouth. “You love him.”
I leap to my feet with a wild laugh. “No. Nope. That’s not what— I mean, yes, I came here to tell you about the baby’s dad, but this is not about him and me. Me and him.Us. Because there isn’t an ‘us.’ It’s just me, right here, and then, a respectable distance away, him.”
Her smile widens, willfully misunderstanding every word out of my mouth. “I know your father and I didn’t give you the best example. I’m sure we made love look scary. But opening yourself up to the possibility of love is worth it.”
I slash both arms through the air. “Who’s talking about love? Not me. This has nothing to do with love.”
“You get this look in your eye when you talk about him, Laila.”
“Platonic business partnership has a sparkle of its own, they say.”
“And after the way he spoke about you—” She shakes her head with a happy sigh. “—it’s obvious to me that the feeling is mutual.”
I pace around the room, laughing like I’m half-deranged. I think I am. Or I’m well on my way to becoming so.
Here I thought my mom would be horrified and ashamed of me, but instead, she’s trying to ship me and my baby daddy.
