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He nods. “I know.”
I could stay here on the floor with Arsen forever. But where would that leave us?
I long to touch him, give him my comfort, be his wife—but nothing has changed. Despite the fact that he’s holding the metaphorical door open for me, I can’t seem to walk through it.
Not yet, anyway.
Reluctantly, I remove myself from his arms and rise to my feet. He follows suit, standing in the threshold without crossing over.
“I need to sleep,” I tell him.
His eyes skim past me into the room, but he doesn’t ask to come in. I’m grateful for that. I’m not entirely sure I could say no to him right now.
“Okay. Goodnight, Laila.”
“Goodnight, Arsen.”
He hesitates for a moment. Then he leans in. His lips find my forehead. It’s nothing more than a fluttering, the lightest of touches—but it says more than either of us know how to put into words.
Then he turns.
He walks away.
He gives me space.
The last fucking thing I need.
22
LAILA
I follow the smell of freshly baked bread to the kitchen and find Polina pulling out a tray of scones. “Whoa. Who are you trying to impress?”
She pops a kiss on Nina’s forehead as she passes. “You, actually. I’m hoping I can get you to eat a proper meal today.”
I’ve been picking at my food like a bird for weeks now. Polina has made it clear that if I skip any more meals, she’s going to start to take it personally. The problem is, I just haven’t been hungry. Not since the moment Arsen came in to tell me about my mom.
Polina takes Nina from my arms and plops her on her lap. I still don’t have much of an appetite, but I sit down anyway. “How can I say no to fresh scones?”
“‘Atta girl.” Polina pushes the tray of jams towards me. “Help yourself.”
“Is it just me today? Where are the boys?”
“Gedeon’s on duty and Dominik is spending the morning with Kira.”
For the first time in a while, I wasn’t just talking about Dominik and Gedeon. I haven’t seen Arsen since the other night outside my door. He’s finally giving me the space I asked for, and now, I’m seeking him out. I don’t miss the irony in any of it, but I choose to ignore it anyway.
“I was kind of hoping for a quiet morning, just the two of us.” Polina pulls a white envelope from her apron pocket. “I have something for you.” I’m reaching across the table for it when she tacks on, “It’s from Arsen.”
My hand hovers there, frozen with indecision. The envelope is too small to be more jewelry or the severed head of Arsen’s enemies, but I know better than to underestimate him.
It doesn’t matter, though. Polina pushes it into my hand. “Open it.”
If I do, reality as I know it could crash down around me.
If I don’t, I’ll always wonder what was inside.
Curiosity wins out and I rip it open.
