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I leap off the bed and glare down at her. “I can be with you! I can support you! I can talk to the doctors and look into alternate therapies, different medications. Maybe we can even look into a new clinic. A bigger hospital. Maybe?—”
Mom sighs. “This is exactly what I was afraid of.”
I stop short. “What do you mean?”
“Laila, honey.” She reaches for me, but I leave her hand hovering in the air, too scared to grab it until I know what she’s going to say. “You’re a fighter, but there’s nothing left to fight here. The only thing I can do is reflect on my life, give thanks for the good, and accept what I can’t change. And this cancer? I can’t change that.”
A sob bursts out of me. Her hand is still trembling in the air, waiting for me. I can’t stop myself from folding our fingers together, if only so she can rest.
“I’m dying, Laila. And you know what? I want to die. It’s time.”
“You don’t mean that,” I choke out.
“I do. I’ve been in pain for a long time now.” She winces, her color draining further. “But I’m tired of pretending thatI’m okay. My body is failing me, and I don’t want to fight it anymore.”
“But… what about me?” I protest selfishly. “What about Nina?”
It’s cruel to point out everything she’s leaving behind, especially when none of this is her choice. But I can’t stop myself. Everything will be awful without her, and she doesn’t seem to care.
“You have each other. You have Arsen.”
“Nina and I don’t have Arsen. He’s the one who sent us away! Banished us for no good reason?—”
“Do you really think he had no good reason, Laila?” Mom asks in a stern voice I haven’t heard in years. “Do you really think he sent you away just to be cruel?”
I drop her hand and pace away in furious disgust. “Why am I the only one who can see this man clearly? You can’t possibly be on his side.”
I don’t want to spend the last days of my mother’s life convincing her the father of her grandchild is a monster, but I will if I have to.
“There are no sides, sweetheart. He’s your husband. He’s Nina’s father. Is he perfect? No, of course not—none of us are. But in his own way, he was trying to?—”
“Protect us!” I yell. “Yes, I know. I’ve already heard this spiel from Gedeon and Dominik. I just didn’t expect my own mother to be driving the Arsen bandwagon. But it’s just like him to go and brainwash you, too!”
“Hey now, give me a little more credit than that. My body may be weak, but my mind is not.”
I drop my face into my hands. “I don’t want to fight.”
I don’t know what I want, really. Would I feel any better if my mom spent her last days hating Arsen every bit as much as I do? Do I want her to die with unspent anger burning inside of her?
“Come sit with me.”
Reluctantly, I cuddle up beside her, trying to breathe through my anger. It takes me several minutes before I feel calm enough to speak. “He hurt me, Mama. He stole our time together. Our last few months.”
“I know. But I have a feeling he’s going to work hard to make up for it. And you have to think about the bigger picture, sweet girl.”
“Which is what?”
“Nina.” Her smile turns soft. “Do you want your daughter growing up in a home with forgiveness? Or one where her parents are at each other’s throats all the time?”
I hate that she’s making sense.
“You want me to forgive him?” I ask.
“I want you to think about what you want.”
I think about it for approximately half a second. “I want to kill him.”
Mom just smiles and pats my arm. “Right now, yes. But what happens when that anger fades?”
