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“They just have to be willing to take the calls. I don’t let them make financial decisions anyway. The drama queens only want to complain.” And it was always something new. “Did my grandfather redo his will again?”
He was older than dirt and had turned fucking with the family into an art form.
Barking out a laugh, Victor shook his head. “No, that’s next week if ‘that bastard’s brat’ doesn’t stop sleeping with the interesting new lady he just brought home.”
Judging by the look on Victor’s face, I wasn’t going to ask what made her interesting.
“Then what’s the problem this week?” My lack of curiosity about my family’s shenanigans had him pouting, but he moved on fairly quickly.
“You. They want to know who the mouthy guy is.”
And now I understood why Victor had given up so quickly…he had fun gossip to play with.
“Great.” I’d hoped to have a bit more than two days but it couldn’t be helped after Amadeus’s performance the other night. “What have they been asking and what did you tell them?”
“That I don’t know anything and the market is up.” Victor grinned, clearly having fun fucking with the idiots. “Okay, let’s see if I can remember the highlights. I should’ve made a better list.”
He was probably serious about the list, so I waited patiently as he checked off the ones he remembered on his fingers. “One aunt, I’ve lost track of that side of the family with all theCnames. It’s painful. But one of the older women on that side, Candy or Cassy or someone like that, wanted to know where to hire a hooker. She’s confused about the process but didn’t seem to be deliberately being rude about the job title.”
Lord.
“Two different cousins wanted to make sure you weren’t paying too much because they’ve clearly figured out how to find individuals in that line of business.” Victor shook his head. “Another couple of cousins called to make sure you weren’t spending their inheritance. They seem to be convinced the plan is to divide up your estate if you get hit by a bus.”
When I just raised one eyebrow, he shrugged. “One said bus. The other said falling airplane toilet. I’m not sure what their search history looks like but I don’t think you have to worry about anyone being smart enough to hire a hit man.”
No, but they could find other types of professional help.
“My assistant took one where your mother seemed to be asking if you’d gotten married.” The asshole grinned when I groaned. “She’s not as dumb as the rest of your family.”
Yep, he was an asshole.
“I’m lucky you weren’t the one to take that call.” He’d have laughed and then the crazy would’ve taken another interesting turn.
“I know.” He was already snickering just thinking about it. “She’d have heard too much in my voice.”
Arguing that there wasn’t anything to hear would’ve just made me look guilty, so I ignored his fishing expedition. “I knew Amadeus couldn’t keep his mouth shut but he must’ve activated some kind of gossip phone tree.”
Victor grinned. “He started right at the top and called your grandfather’s housekeeper.”
Well, that explained a few things.
“She’s a pain in the ass.” But she took care of the old fart and they’d been secretly in a relationship since his third wife had died.
Half the family was in the dark and the other half was ignoring the disturbing age difference, but I was going to just avoid learning anything else about their sex life.
“She was very excited to be able to get the good stuff first and evidently Amadeus started there because he wanted your grandfather to know that you were making questionable decisions with your finances and the family restaurants.” Victor was nearly giggling.
His love of gossip was as passionate as the rest of the crazies, which was the reason he’d taken over handling those accounts to begin with. I didn’t like gossip but I also didn’t mind ignoring what questionable families did as long as it didn’t end up with me on some kind of FBI watch list.
Some people made me feel very boring.
“So…” He waved his hand, settling back in his seat again. “I’ve been patient and didn’t even bug Dally for details.”
“You traded numbers with him?” I shouldn’t have been surprised.
“Of course, but he’s been busy with work and we haven’t had a chance to trade stories. So I need something good to be able to one-up him.” Crossing his arms, Victor glared at me. “Milo shares more than you do and I’m going to come in second if I’m not careful.”
Maybe I attracted insanity and it wasn’t just my family?
