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“I’d throw you under the bus in a heartbeat if you tortured me first.” I sounded badass but he shrugged.
“Fair enough.” Dally was too dramatic and distractible to stay upset for long. “But you’re going to owe me. They’re all really nice and at least half can be considered sexy in some way and a startling number of them were gay.”
Bullshit.
“If we get kicked out, I’m going to have a heart attack.” I’d already mentioned that a few times, but we were getting closer. I could actually see the building and I only had thirty seconds tops to decide if I was going to head in or have a panic attack. “I’m notdate a sexy guymaterial. Kinky men never notice me.”
Fuck. I was the one who’d get us arrested if I wasn’t careful.
Smiling awkwardly at a woman who was glaring at us, I waved and walked faster. I wasn’t ready to stop freaking out yet, so I grabbed Dally’s arm and tugged him closer so I could whisper. “There is no chance in the world that someone hot, kinky, and not a serial killer is going to be attracted to me at this thing.”
The odds of that were so crazy I’d have better lucknotplaying the lottery and still winning.
“You’re too pessimistic.” Beaming for remembering the word, Dally kept up his terrible pep talk. “You’re cute. You’re kinky. You’re willing and eager to suck on their man boobies and make everyone happy. They’re going to love you.”
We were so getting kicked out.
“Don’t call them that.” That couldn’t be the right word.
Dally frowned. “Boobies? Everyone has breasts. I looked it up on a medical website. Even men. I have the link still. Ours are just usually smaller and don’t actually do anything functional. We’re like the Ken dolls of the boob world. Theirs just work. They’re the anatomically correct ones.”
Shit.
“Don’t say anything that might get us beat up.”
We were there.
“Let’s go.” Beaming and looking honestly excited somehow, Dally dragged us in through the front door of a building that looked like a cross between a hotel and a business complex. “This is going to be so much fun.”
He was a delusional pain in the ass but everyone usually liked him, so he could have a fun time going to the dentist.
Hell, I was pretty sure he’d dated his dentist.
“This is a terrible idea.” For a moment, I thought my words were being quietly projected out of my head like we’d landed in a sci-fi movie.
So did Dally because he didn’t even turn around before he started lecturing me. “You’re so dramatic. The sexy men are going to think you’re adorable and the not sexy ones will be nice because they have manners.”
“That wasn’t me that time.” Admitting that got a groan coming from behind us as well as a snicker.
Great.
“Oops.” Dally didn’t seem to feel the same level of embarrassment as other humans because he turned around, dragging me in a circle as he nodded at the men behind us. “I’m basically going to tell you the same thing I told Milo. You’re sexy. The subs and bottoms are going to like you. Just be polite and you’ll have fun.”
The frowning man was definitely the one who was regretting his life choices the same way I was, but he didn’t seem to know what to do with Dally. I didn’t blame him when he turned to his friend the giggler. “Do I look gay?”
Oh dear.
“Yes, you do.” Dally didn’t have any problem answering since the giggler wasn’t much help. “You’ve had at least one badly timed bi phase but you’re mostly gay. You’re kinky even though you don’t seem to think you are and your personal skills need some work.”
For fuck’s sake.
“Dally!” My strangled whisper scream just had him turning toward me and frowning.
“What? Being into BDSM makes someone kinky. I don’t care if everyone and their brother is exploring it.” Dally shrugged. “Just because it’s on social media doesn’t make it vanilla.”
Someone had to save me before he pissed off the confused-looking frowning guy.
“Milo here works in retail and while he has no self-esteem whatsoever, he can help you learn to project a happier countenance and show you how to make people feel more at ease.” Dally released my hand and shoved me at the strange, still frowning man. “Here you go. He needs a drink before he can open up, but just one or I’ll cut off your nuts. I’m sparkly gay, but I grew up with redneck hunters. No one would ever find your body.”
