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“So, how is that good for anyone?” I throw back in his face. “There’s no happy ending to a story like ours if we aren’t willing to change. We will only drag each other back down.”
“If this is what Heaven is without you, I’d rather be in Hell with you. Hell is my home and you’re the fire that possesses my soul.”
I swallow hard over the emotion that wells in my throat. He talks a good game—he always has—but I can’t let him have this effect on me, not anymore. “Did you ever consider that maybe we’re addicted to each other? Completely fucking dependent on one another.”
“Everyone is addicted to something in life, whether they want to admit it or not.” Killian pauses, his face dipping down to mine and I feel his warm breath on my lips. “You’re the one addiction that I’ll never be able to be sober from. I can’t live without you, baby girl.”
His words feel like a knife in my chest, making me wince as my throat constricts.
He pulls one hand away from the wall and cups the side of my face. “I can, but I don’t want to.”
“I don’t want to either,” I admit quietly. “But we can’t fall back into the same cycle if we want to make this work.”
“And we won’t.” The promise is in his tone. “We’ve both already come so far. We proved that we don’t need to save each other. You did that on your own, baby, because you’re fucking stronger than you ever gave yourself credit for. I knew that you could do it, that you needed to do it without me.”
“I wanna take things slow.” I breathe in deeply, my eyes searching his as I revel in his warmth. “I don’t want to rush into anything.”
“We’ll take our time,” he promises, his lips brushing against mine. I anticipate his mouth claiming mine, but instead he pulls away, gently pressing his soft lips against my forehead. “As long as you need.”
I close my eyes, leaning against him as he pulls away from the wall and wraps his arms around me. Turning my head to the side, I press my cheek against his chest, listening to his heart pounding inside his ribcage. I inhale deeply, breathing in his scent as I revel in his warmth.
For the first time in a long time, I feel like I’m finally where I belong.
Holding him in my arms is like coming home and I never want to leave again.
EIGHT
KILLIAN
Ainsley abruptly releases me and takes a step back. A look of panic washes over her expression and she whips her head from side to side, inspecting the hallway. She directs her gaze back to mine, her eyes searching mine. “We can’t do this here. We should just wait until we’re both out of here.”
My brow furrows and I cut my eyes at her. “Fuck that,” I growl. “We’ve waited too many fucking times. I’m done waiting.”
“They have a strict fucking policy here, Killian.” Her tone is low and clipped. “We could both get kicked out of here if they found out and I would lose my job.”
“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” I grumble, running a frustrated hand through my hair. “I’m. Done. Fucking. Waiting, Ainsley.”
Ainsley shakes her head, her lips pursed. “It’s too risky. What happens if we get caught? They would try and put you into a different treatment facility, one that would probably be garbage compared to this one. And me—I don’t even know what would happen. I’m sure they would kick me out of the halfway house and I’d be out of a job and a home.”
My hands find my face and I hang my head in defeat. I’m angry, but goddammit, she’s fucking right. I’m not a patient person, especially when it comes to Ainsley. We’ve already lost so much time together, it feels like waiting any longer is the equivalent of waiting an entire lifetime.
“I don’t want to lose any time with you,” I whisper into my hands.
Ainsley reaches out, her touch soft as she pulls my hands away from my face. I lift my head, my eyes bouncing back and forth between hers as she drops my arms. “It will all be worth it in the end, baby boy.” Her voice is like a haunting melody and she sings to my soul. “That’s what we have to think about. The end game. The bigger picture here.”
“How am I supposed to be here, knowing that you’re so close, but I can’t be near you?”
Her throat bobs as she swallows hard. “I don’t know, but I know that we can do it. We can get through anything. We always have and we always find each other in the end.”
“Promise me that this isn’t the end.” My voice cracks, the desperation thick in my words. “It felt like the end so many times before.”
“And it never was, was it?” She gives me a small smile, her warm brown eyes staring directly into my soul. “It will never be the end, Killian. I promise you that.”
I step closer to her, unable to resist when I know that I could reach out and just fucking touch her. Ainsley raises her hand, shaking her head. “No one would have to know, baby girl,” I tell her, my voice low as I press my chest against her palm. “It could be our secret, just like it was before.”
Ainsley frowns, shaking her head. “And we saw how that worked out in the past...”
She’s right. It didn’t work out at all.
