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“I know, baby.” I close my eyes, my jaw tics. Now is not the time for these intrusive thoughts, but they aren’t intrusive. It’s the reality of our situation. It’s what has to happen for us to move forward. “I don’t want to do this anymore.”
“Do what?” Her voice is barely audible, but I can hear the panic in her tone. “What are you talking about?”
“Calm down,” I urge her, my hand stroking her soft skin. “I don’t want to live like this anymore. This isn’t good for either of us.”
Ainsley swallows. “We don’t have an option, Kill. Not unless you want to possibly go to jail and I’m not about to let that happen.”
“Are you ready to stop?”
“Stop what?”
I mull over my words, making sure that I articulate them properly. “All of this. The drugs. The running.”
“I am,” she nods against the pillow. “I just don’t know how to stop. Where the hell do we go from here, Kill?”
“The only place that we can go.” I pause, chewing on the inside of my lip. “We go home.”
And by we, I mean Ainsley. There’s no place for me back there.
If I go back there, I have to face the consequences for my actions—for when I beat the shit out of Ezra. It could just be me being paranoid. Maybe he never went to the cops, maybe he won’t even press charges. Right now, that isn’t a risk that I’m willing to take. I don’t have the time to waste trying to figure out what is going on with my future, not when Ainsley’s hangs in the balance.
She needs to get help. I’m afraid for her—for what might happen if she doesn’t get help. She’s toeing a dangerous line, slamming drugs into her veins. I hoped that it wouldn’t end up this way, but I knew from the start that this was the end.
I’ve noticed my own tolerance building. It takes more for me to get high now and I crave it. Not quite like Ainsley, but the need is there, constantly lingering in the back of my mind. I need to stop this shit before we both end up circling the drain. It won’t take much more before I end up in the same position as her, shooting up every chance that I get because it’s the only way for the high to come close to touching me.
Ainsley needs help and it’s time for me to face reality and take her home.
If I take her home and she can get help, then I will be able to help myself. I can kick this shit before it kicks me. Drugs don’t have to be part of our survival anymore. We can survive without them.
I can’t think about what happens to us after I take her home. It’s a thought that I refuse to entertain right now, because I know that if I do, I will never take her home.
This is how we have a future, even if it isn’t with each other.
“You’re going to come back there with me?” she asks, her voice hesitant. “What if Ezra decided to press charges?”
“I will worry about that when I have to,” I tell her, lightly brushing my fingers across the side of her face. “I can’t have you worrying about that, Ainsley. It’s all beyond our control. The only thing that I can do is accept that I can’t change it.”
“Promise me that you’re going to stay with me.” She rolls over in my arms to face me, her brown eyes bouncing back and forth between mine. “I need you to promise me, Killian, or I won’t go back there. I won’t do it without you.”
I swallow hard, forcing my expression to remain impassive as her eyes search mine. “I promise, baby girl. I go wherever you go.”
Ainsley swallows my lies without hesitation. A small smile forms on her lips and she nods as she wraps her arms around me, pulling her body flush against mine. “I have a confession to make.”
My brow furrows. “Okay...”
“Before, I told you that I would never be able to trust you with my heart.” She pauses as a deep sigh slips from her lips. “I lied. I didn’t know it then, but I was already trusting you with my heart. I’m sorry that it took so long for me to see.”
“Why are you apologizing?” I ask her as I rest my chin on the top of her head. “All I asked for was your time, but I’m glad that you gave me your heart.”
So I can shatter it into a million pieces before I hand it back to you.
“Don’t make me regret it, okay?” Her lips brush against the base of my neck.
“Never,” I lie as I hold her tightly. I can’t let her go, but I know that I have to.
I have to force her away.
I have to make her regret this.
