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I nod, my throat tight. "Peter called me, told me to come join the 'fun'. I knew I had to play along, to make him think I wason his side. It was the only way I could think of to buy time until help arrived.” I lean forward, my eyes pleading with her to understand. “I hated every second of it, Lana. Having to say those things to you, to touch you like that… it made me sick."
“Why did you have to go that far?”
“I didn’t want them to hit or cut you or… whatever sick ideas they had. If it was my turn to… torment you, I could keep them away.”
She seems to consider that. “You couldn’t have given me a clue?”
“I tried. I told you to hold on, that it would be over soon. To fight. But of course, I had to use a tone that wouldn’t give me away. I’m so fucking sorry.”
She finishes her drink.
“Want another?” I hope she does because I need one too. She nods, and I get us both a drink. When I hand her glass to her, I sit on the couch, but not too close to her.
I take a sip of my whiskey, the burn of the alcohol grounding me. “The next day, I went to work, and my sergeant was falling all over himself to cover up his failure to help. I quit that day, Lana. Turned in my badge and gun. I couldn't be part of a system that was so broken, so willing to turn a blind eye to the suffering of people like you and your family."
Lana's eyes widen in surprise. "You quit the force? For me?"
I meet her gaze steadily. "For you, for Lazaro, for everyone who's been failed by the very people who are supposed to protect them. People don’t earn the right to have our protection. They're supposed to have it no matter what. It’s our job to provide it. I know we’re human and clearly, we make judgements about people. But we’re not supposed to refuse our services just because we don’t like someone. I can’t work like that. I can’t work with people like that.”
She's quiet for a long moment, processing everything I've said. “I told you corruption is everywhere.”
“You did.”
She sips her drink, looking down into the amber liquid when she moves the glass away from her lips. "I want to believe you, Henry. But after everything that's happened, it's hard for me."
I reach out, taking her hand in mine. "I know. And I'm so sorry for not being able to communicate my intentions sooner, for adding to your trauma. All I can do now is try to earn your trust back, one day at a time."
She’s quiet again and then looks up at me. "Did you really tell Elio you loved me?"
"I did. It’s something I should have told you first, but at the time, I was desperate for him to understand how much danger you were in and how I needed his help.” Taking a deep breath, I continue, "I know there are obstacles between us, but I meant what I said. I love you, Lana. So much it hurts. And I'm willing to do anything to be with you. Whatever it takes.”
Lana's expression softens, a hint of vulnerability showing through her usual tough exterior. "Piper told me I should give you another chance. She said that love is worth fighting for, even when it seems impossible."
My heart swells with hope at her words. "What do you think?" I hold my breath, waiting for her response, hoping beyond all hope that she’ll take this leap of faith with me.
35
LANA
Isit next to Henry, my heart pounding in my chest. His eyes, filled with hope and longing, bore into mine. I want to believe him, to trust that everything he's told me is true. But the memory of that night, the pain and betrayal I felt, still lingers.
"I don't know," I answer.
His eyes fill with pain, but he nods. "I understand your hesitation. What you went through… I can't even imagine. But I swear to you, everything I've said is the truth. I love you."
Those three words make my breath catch. I want to run into his arms, to feel safe and protected. But fear holds me back.
"How can I trust you?" I ask, hating how vulnerable I sound. "After everything that happened…"
“I don’t know. I want to do whatever is needed to make that happen. You tell me what you need from me.”
I wrap my arms around myself, trying to steady my nerves. Or maybe it’s to quiet the part of me longing to be held by him.
"I need time," I finally say, meeting his gaze. "I can't just jump back in like nothing happened. It's not that simple."
“I get it. Take all the time you need. I'll be here, waiting, for as long as it takes. Forever.”
God, he’s doing it again. The words that speak to fairy tales and happily ever after. It’s so hard to guard against that.
