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“Sorry.” He lays his gun on the nightstand and crawls into bed with me. “I can’t sleep. You’re too far away from me.”
Says the man who keeps everyone at a distance. That’s another reason I’m not leaving. Arlow is finally letting me in. He may not love me, but he needs me, and I need him.
“I can’t sleep either.” His scent comforts me as I move closer to him. “Will you hold me for a minute?” Strong arms pull me against his warm body without hesitation, and I lay my head on his chest.
“You’re shaking.” There’s no hiding the tremble of my fingers on his abdomen. His large hand swallows mine and he holds me tighter. “And all tensed up. What can I do to help you settle?”
“You’re doing it. I’ll be alright.” Already my muscles are beginning to soften, my jaw unclenching. “You always manage to stop my brain from chewing on itself. You might be magic. I wish I could bottle you for every anxiety attack.”
He strokes my hair, and I close my eyes, wrapping myself in the comfort of his presence. “Not sure how long I’d last in a bottle. It probably wouldn’t smell good.”
“Shut up,” I scoff, lightly pinching his side.
“Have you thought about a pet? I’ve heard that can help anxiety too.”
“Actually, I was going to ask you how you’d feel about chickens, or maybe a goat.”
His chest rattles with a chuckle. “I was thinking more like a dog or cat. Something cuddly. Maybe a rabbit.”
“Have you ever seen a baby goat? They’re the most cuddly thing ever.” My heartbeat has returned to a normal rate and the buzzing of my skin is fading.
“And the chickens?”
“Are you judging my emotional support chickens?”
“I’d never dare.” The continued brush of his fingers over my scalp soothes me toward sleep. “Everything’s going to be alright. I’m not letting you out of my sight until this is over. We’ll getthrough this week together.” As the welcoming dark pulls me under, I feel his lips on my forehead. They feel like love.
The next few days are blissfully quiet. Arlow and I fall easily into a daily routine. Whoever wakes first makes coffee and breakfast, then we get anything that needs to be done around the place taken care of. The charred remnants of the glider are cleaned up from the driveway. Arlow spends time drawing while I read and make another attempt at crocheting. We watch movies together, listen to music, and play cards or a game when we’re bored. Arlow has an older gaming system that doesn’t need to be online, and we spend a fun evening trying to beat one another on games I haven’t played since I was a kid.
Arlow slips into bed with me each night without a word, but it’s not for sex. As much as we’re trying to pretend everything is okay, an undercurrent of tension runs through everything. The suspense is hard to handle, but being wrapped in his arms every night makes it bearable.
We only leave the property briefly to run a few errands or shop for groceries. Neither of us say it, but we’re both afraid of what we might come back to if we’re gone too long. I call our internet service provider hoping we might get it back earlier than expected but get told the exact opposite. It could be a total of three weeks. They apologize, rattle off some reasons for the delay, and offer discounts when service resumes but that doesn’t help us get our cameras online now.
On Thursday, Arlow sticks his head into the living room where I’m reading about the PH of different soils and how it affects which vegetables to plant. “Do you want to go with me to have dinner with Earl? I can call and tell him we won’t be there if you don’t feel like it.”
His reluctance reflects in his tone, but we can’t stay home every second forever. “I’d like to go. It’ll be good to get out of the house a little. I’ll take him some blueberry muffins.”
His jaw drops in mock outrage. “You made those for me.”
“I made those forus, and I’ll make you more. Don’t be stingy.”
“Will you put streusel on top?” His lips tilt into a playful smile that never fails to make me grin too. How can someone so ruggedly handsome also be so damn cute?
“I’ll think about it.”
I’m happy to visit Earl again. I’ve only been back once since that first time, and he was thrilled to see me. We played cards again and I’m determined to beat him at Rummy eventually. We pick up dinner at Hatty’s Seafood Shack as usual—he’s a creature of habit for sure. Arlow said he long ago stopped asking because he always wants the same thing.
It gets dark early this time of year, and I take my time down the winding country road. As we approach Earl’s place, red and blue lights flash through the trees. “Arlow,” I murmur.
“Something’s wrong,” he says, and I speed up, pulling into the driveway.
An ambulance sits near a squad car, and an old pickup I’ve never seen blocks them both in. Harvey runs up to bark at us as usual. “That’s Earl’s brother, Larry, on the porch,” Arlow says.
The words have barely cleared his lips before he’s out of my car, his strides eating up the dirt. Harvey gets between my legs, desperate for attention, and it slows me down. Before I even catch up to them, I know Earl is gone by the expression on Arlow’s face. He stands with his shoulders slumped, nodding as Larry speaks to him. I slow my steps, hanging back a little to allow them a moment to talk.
Arlow looks back to see me and holds out his hand. “Earl passed away. A stroke they think.”
“I’m so sorry for your loss,” I tell his brother, squeezing Arlow’s hand.
