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“I was wrong. You helped me see that. The therapy you suggested helped me realize it too.” He holds me tighter. “Do you remember the drawing of the storm drain we talked about? With all the trash caught in it?”
“Of course I do.”
“You did for me what I did for it as a teenager. You cleaned away all that litter and freed me, not only to draw again but to feel again. I love you. I’m yours for as long as you want me.”
“Forever sounds about right.”
“Forever then.” Amusement seeps into his voice. “I do have a request that you might find a tiny bit scandalizing.”
I peek up at his grinning face. “I’m intrigued.”
“Model for me this summer. Let me draw you naked by the creek where I first saw you. It’s a vision that never leaves my mind.”
I imagine it, lying on the bank completely nude for hours with his eyes on me.
He pulls in a deep breath as I run my nails over the back of his neck. It never fails to raise goosebumps on his skin. “Only if you fuck me right there afterward.”
He nips at my earlobe. “Until you beg for mercy.”
We sit there by the fire under the stars the way we did our first night together. He isn’t the only one who feels changed. I don’t worry as much about what I may have inherited in my blood or what kind of person I am deep down. He’s shown me we’re all capable of wonderful and horrific things, especially when it comes to love.
He’s taught me that soft and sweet doesn’t mean weak, that the kindest most respectful man on earth can also be the one who won’t hesitate to kill for you then fuck your brains out.
So much can be true at once. Arlow is a sweet, thoughtful man who can’t stand to see a bug suffer. I’m a woman trying to overcome my upbringing by choosing to be better and more kind. We both cherish our friends, care for animals and revere nature. We also killed two people and fucked on their graves in the moonlight. Are we good? Evil? I don’t know. The truth is I don’t care.
Watching the smoke swirl into the air, I think about how we’re all fucked up. Just damaged people interacting. How we bounce off each other, our insecurities grating together, our bruises not quite matching. How we hurt each other. How we heal each other.
Love isn’t what it’s portrayed to be, a soft fragile thing draped in flowers and hearts and sweet words. It’s gritty and painful and terrifying. It reveals truths about our nature and shows us we’re capable of things we never imagined doing before.
Love exposes us. Like a swelling sun, it illuminates us from the inside out, its light revealing every intimate corner and vulnerability to each other. We shine with it. Nothing remains hidden.
I see him, and he sees me. Good or evil, together we know who we are.
I wouldn’t change a thing.
EPILOGUE
ARLOW
TEN YEARS LATER
The bed shifts,nudging me from sleep and I feel the weight of her body on mine before I open my eyes.
Calliope’s bright smile greets me. “Are you going to sleep your whole birthday away? I know old men of forty-four need their rest, but we have things to do today.”
“I’ll show you old man once I get you by that creek.”
She giggles as I abruptly roll her over and suck on her neck. “Arlow! You’re going to leave a mark and your parents will be here tonight.”
“I want to add a little something to this year’s drawing,” I murmur, sucking the same spot again. Despite her protest, she melts underneath me. She always does and it’s still the best feeling. The way she wants me. The way she loves me.
She tugs my hair when I cup her ass. “Stop it, or we’re going to end up in bed all day.”
“You smell like cinnamon.”
“Mm hmm, that’s because there are homemade apple fritters waiting for you in the kitchen.”
I pull my head back to look down at her. “Well, why didn’t you say so?” She lets out a squeak when I pinch her ass and hop out of bed.
