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It’s been a little over four months since that night. A walk through the graveyard shows no sign of what we did, and we haven’t heard a peep from any authorities. Things are good. Better than good. I’m happier than I’ve ever been and when I mention to my therapist that I think we can discontinue our sessions, he makes a suggestion. One more bit of homework to do first—visit Melody’s grave and say goodbye.
Calli offers to go with me, and on a warm sunny day, we head to Paducah. The cemetery where she’s buried is large and almost unnaturally green. I’ve never been able to make myself come here before. It takes us a few minutes to locate the section with her grave and park nearby.
Calli stays by my side as we walk through the manicured grass, searching for her. My attention is so focused on readingthe names that I don’t notice the lady kneeling down to brush the dirt from one of the headstones until she stands up.
I freeze, nearly dropping the flowers in my hand, and Calli looks up at me, concerned. “Arlow?”
“That’s Grace, Melody’s mother.” We haven’t spoken since that awful night at the hospital when she screamed at me to rot in hell, right after Melody’s death.
Calli slips her hand into mine. “Do you want to speak to her?”
No. It’s the last thing in the world I want, but I should. Especially because she has already spotted me. “I should do it alone. Can you give us a minute?”
She squeezes my hand. “Of course. I’ll be nearby.”
Grace stands at the edge of the grave as I approach her. “Ms. Handleman.” I greet her with a nod. “I wanted to leave some flowers if that’s okay.”
I’m waiting for her to tell me to fuck off, to scream about how I ruined her life, took her daughter away from her, caused her husband’s stroke and son’s addiction.
“There’s room in the vase.”
She doesn’t speak again as I kneel to add my flowers to the sunken vase below the headstone. Guilt and sorrow wash over me, pulling me back to the place I’ve been digging myself out of through therapy. Stepping back, I force myself to look at her. “I’m so sorry. I don’t know what else to say.”
Without breaking eye contact, she replies, her voice firm. “I have something to say to you.”
My body feels like a stretched rubber band ready to snap under the pressure, and I try to steel myself. “I’m listening.”
“I forgive you.” Her words hit me in the chest, knocking me back a step. Before I can reply, she goes on. “There’s nothing you need to be forgiven for, but I know you need to hear it and you can’t hear it from her. This was never your fault. It was an accident.”
I can’t speak around the lump in my throat, only nod while I try to get ahold of myself. It’s so far from what I expected to hear.
“You haven’t called her phone in a few months. I hope that means you’re healing too.”
Oh god. “You listened to my messages?”
Her lips nearly disappear as she presses them together. “I did. I’m sorry for what you went through but it helped me to hear how much she was missed. How much you cared for her. You should know I turned her phone off last week. It’s time to let her go.” She glances over at Calli, who waits beside the car. “It’s okay to move on. She loved you and she wouldn’t want you to keep blaming yourself.”
She gazes down at her daughter’s headstone and her voice softens. “This frail thread that connects us to our lives can be cut so easily. You never know how much time you have. Don’t waste it.”
I call her name as she starts to walk away, and she turns to regard me. “Thank you. I hope you’re healing too.”
A small smile struggles to rise along with her nod. “Take care of yourself, Arlow.”
It feels strange to see Melody’s name carved in the stone, and I squat down to trace it with my finger. “I know I’ve said it a thousand times, but I’m sorry.” My mind plays through moments from our relationship. Meeting her at the bar, our first night in my new apartment when I moved to town, the way she always laughed when I bumped my head on the doorway. “I’m sorry I chose the worst possible moment to end things with you. I did care for you very much, and I hope you knew that. Thank you for loving me. I’ll never forget you. Goodbye, Melody.”
Calli quietly takes my hand when I return to her.
“Her mother forgave me. She doesn’t blame me.”
She pulls me into a hug. “I hope that helps you stop blaming yourself. Are you okay?”
Resting my chin on the top of her head, I take a deep breath, feeling my body loosen. “I’m good. Let’s go home.”
“All I’m saying is that if we’re going to get two goats so they won’t be lonely, why not get three?” Calli says, pushing the cart out to her car.
“Why not get ten?” I tease, and she grins up at me.
“Now you’re getting it.”
