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I glare at Shinji for encouraging her. “You’ll pay for that.”
Shinji winks, an unrepentant grin on his face.
Warubozu.
CHAPTER 32
Lakeshia
Why are doctors’ exam rooms always chilly?
A shiver runs through me while the paper covering the cold, hard plastic beneath my ass crinkles with each subtle movement of my body.
Following our failed attempt on Tomasso’s life, we returned to Serenidad without spending the night in Felicidad. And today, I’m taking the next step in making my plan a reality. Despite Shinji’s and Takeshi’s arguments, I remain unconvinced to step away from ridding the world of the two men who’ve made my life a living nightmare.
I can’t risk blacking out again and allowing my body to go on autopilot. I still don’t understand my reaction. Saying Paul’s name and relaying what he did to me doesn’t send me into an emotional and mental shutdown. Yet when someone else brings him up or the man himself appears, catching me off-guard, my psyche goes on autopilot to disassociate.
What if I see Paul again, but this time I lose Shinji or Takeshi? Nothing beat the possibility into my head harder thanwhen Takeshi said Shinji would slit his wrists for my wellbeing. Not an exaggeration. I’ve seen Shinji hurt himself for me already, and my request didn’t require blood.
If Shinji’s willingness to sacrifice for me isn’t enough, Takeshi’s feels somehow worse because he won’t profess his intention before taking on the risk. One day I’ll be blissfully going about my life and either Shinji or Katsuo will slam me with the news of Takeshi’s death. It will be like my wedding ring.
I twist the jewelry around my finger. No gift, and I’ve received many over the years, is as precious or meaningful to me. And I get to wear it because of Takeshi’s decisiveness. He read our hearts and acted. He’ll take matters into his hands again if I don’t get my shit together. I can’t have him endangering himself on my behalf while I sit in the safety of whatever haven they decide.
A knock on the door precedes the doctor’s entrance. After a quick greeting, she sits and opens her laptop.
“So you’re here today for an anti-anxiety prescription?” she asks without taking her eyes off the screen.
“Yes, I get overwhelmed to the point I lose time. Is there medicine that can keep me calm without turning me into a zombie?”
“Before we get into your options, let’s discuss your medical history.”
I share what I know of my family’s history and give her a rundown of my treatment with my therapist.
“And is there any chance you’re pregnant?”
“Very unlikely. I have an IUD,” I admit aloud for the first time since my agreement with Shinji and Takeshi.
I don’t feel guilty about agreeing to their terms knowing my implant would prevent pregnancy. However, shame dogs me now because I share their dream of growing our family. Icomfort myself with the knowledge I’ll remove the implant once I resolve everything with Tomasso and Paul.
Although we’re in a state of limbo, my freedom from their specters is closer at hand than it’s ever been. And with the whisper of liberation on my tongue, I’m counting the days until I can fulfill my and my husbands’ dreams in earnest.
The doctor’s laptop dings and she clicks her touchpad a few times. “Hmm.”
An odd note in her voice spurs me to ask, “Something wrong?”
She twists her chair to face me, a mix of concern and caution on her face. “The pregnancy test you took when you arrived came back positive. You’re pregnant.”
“But my IUD…” I touch my stomach, trying to grapple with the news. There’s no way. Shouldn’t I have symptoms? Nausea, fatigue, swelling? None of those apply… Then again, I cry far more often than I ever have. But I have a good reason. Having constant reminders of the man who raped me and his connection to the man who murdered my father justify shedding a tear or two.
“I understand your confusion. IUDs are over ninety-nine percent effective, but there are rare cases where pregnancy occurs.”
“I… I…”
“Not the news you’re expecting, I’m sure.”
“Nowhere close.” I peer at the doctor but her features aren’t clear. Everything has a blurry outline.
“Don’t worry, your reaction is reasonable, but I must caution you. The implant poses a threat to the fetus the longer it stays inside you.”
