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CHAPTER 27
Lakeshia
Shinji’s vibe has been off since we left the gas station. I can’t pin down what’s making me feel this way, but I don’t question myself. I’ve accepted we have a connection that runs deep. Funny, for the first time in my life I believe in soul mates, and I luck out with not one but two. They’ve become deeply entrenched in my life and their wellbeing is at the forefront of my mind.
All the time.
Before I start my day, I worry about them.
And I have reason to worry.
I glance at Shinji from the corner of my eye. I wish I could say my concern stems from the dangers inherent in their lifestyle, however, I’ve navigated the underworld for too long and have accepted similar risks for myself.
“You sure you’re up for this?” Shinji turns off the main road.
“I’ve killed before.”
Unlike the lush green landscape I’ve seen in Serenidad, this area seems to be transitory. The further we drive the fewer trees and shrubs break up the enormous expanse of arid land.
“You defended yourself. What we’re about to do?—”
“Shinji, I’ve been prepared to do whatever I must if it means killing Tomasso. There is no low I won’t stoop to if it means my father will finally rest in peace.”
“I admire your commitment, but since I’m here, you don’t have to push yourself to do anything you don’t like.”
I open my mouth to relay the visceral protest his words produce.
“I didn’t say all that to prevent you from participating. Life hasn’t given you a lot of opportunities to tap out and choose yourself and your needs over your vengeance.” He shrugs and aims a sheepish grin at me. “I guess, I just wanted you to have options without feeling like you’re betraying your father.”
His image swims behind a misty sheen. I blink away tears and glance out my window. I shouldn’t be so emotional from Shinji’s thoughtfulness. Guilt fills me. He has no idea I’m keeping a huge secret.
Maybe he suspects. Could his odd behavior since we left the gas station be a clue? It must. No, if I’m honest, I first sensed a shift in him when Katsuo asked me about being pregnant.
“Thanks, but I’m more worried that if I skip out on questioning our hostage we’ll miss something.”
“Makes sense.”
In the ensuing silence, I replay the meeting with Katsuo, not like I haven’t done so a few times a day since. But this time, I try to focus on Shinji’s response. He and Takeshi were disappointed, and I thought I handled their suspicions well. How could I admit to them why I’ve always been a horrible choice to be the mother of their kids? As if my anxiety attacksaren’t bad enough, admitting to them there’s a possibility I’ll die in childbirth isn’t something I can do now.
At first, I justified hiding this truth because I never intended to get pregnant. I viciously burned any dreams of having a family the instant a flicker of an idea made itself known. After all, how can I plan to bring life into a world when I probably won’t survive my confrontation with Tomasso?
Shinji shifts, and his reflection in the window draws my eyes.
Before he and Takeshi entered my life, I had a zero percent chance of walking away, but with their love and support, I have hope. I shift away from Shinji so he can’t see me touch my stomach. The dreams I coldly murdered before they could be born, now babble in baby talk in my ear. They’ve grown from an abstract wisp to almost having a physical form. Now, instead of doing my best to snuff the fantasies, I tell them to wait. Their time will come. Once I deal with Tomasso, I’ll be able to present Shinji and Takeshi with the version of me that isn’t tainted by my past; a reforged, stronger, more resilient me who’s willing to risk everything for them.
And when I say everything, I mean everything.
“We’re almost at the house.” Shinji slows the car as he navigates the uneven terrain.
I jolt, only now recognizing we’ve passed a few small communities before driving off the road. The ride isn’t smooth, but my thoughts consumed my attention, leaving me unaware of my surroundings. After another five minutes with nothing to break up the scenery, a hazy structure appears in the distance.
Shinji drives unerringly toward the building. It’s an adobe-style one-story house with an attached garage, but no landscaping to soften the exterior.
We pull to a stop and Shinji hands me a keyring with four keys. “I’ll get our guest while you familiarize yourself with the place.”
“Right. It’s time to get answers,” I remind myself with a bracing breath.
There’s no time to dwell on future problems when I have a more immediate one to face. However, Shinji and Takeshi react when I tell them everything, I have to have faith we’re strong enough to weather the fallout together.
