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“You should know. You were there.”
She quirks her brow.
“Six AM the morning you two went to Texas.”
“But what about the nights Shinji snuck out to be with you? Didn’t you commiserate? Drown in each other to dull the pain?”
“We held each other. That’s it.”
“But you love to?—”
“There is no joy in the act while one of us suffers. And you are an important part of us.”
“Oh…”
“What’s your purpose in asking?” I stop at the entrance of the kitchen.
“Curiosity?” As she begins to pass me, I grab her hand to stall her progress.
“Lakeshia,” I murmur, closing in on her while watching for the smallest sign of discomfort or trepidation.
“Don’t you feel cheated? I know I do.” Her earnest stare drills into me as if searching for what has deprived her.
“Cheated how?”
“I’m not the same woman you met in Hawaii.” Lakeshia pulls away.
As she puts more distance between us, I study her from behind. Her rigid posture is almost brittle with tiny fissures streaking across her body. A wrong move, phrase, or sound could shatter her.
“No one shows up as their full selves upon first meeting.” I close the gap and soften my voice as if soothing a skittish cat. “That’s the reason we get to know each other.” I rest my hands on her shoulder, breathing a relieved sigh when she leans her softness into me instead of tensing. “And sometimes in familiarizing ourselves with each other, we discover something new about ourselves.”
“Maybe you’re right.” She shifts away, heading toward the fridge, leaving an empty draft in her wake. “But what if instead of uncovering an unknown part of me, I want to reclaim a lost piece of myself?”
I close my hands on air before slowly following behind her.
She selects a bottle of water, opens it, and gulps half the contents with her back facing me. “I lost something integral when I asked for sex without emotion. I was selfish and my selfishness stole something important from Shinji as well. I want to make it up to him, but…” Lakeshia turns to me with a lost expression on her face. “I need a push. I need you. Maybe if you help get me there…” She shakes her head. “I don’t know. Maybe asking you for this will cause me to repeat the same mistake with you, and the last thing I want to do is hurt you again.”
“Then walk me through what you need. I want to be clear what you expect.”
She steps back and shakes her head. “I’m making a mess of this because I don’t honestly know what I’m asking you.”
I cup her cheek as an idea dawns on me. From what she’s let slip, she’s dabbled in the lifestyle as a dungeon madame, however, Lakeshia’s personality is more of a leader than a submissive. Even during our passionate nights, she never completely submitted to me.
Shinji could never provide for her what I can. He’s too eager to please and fulfill her every request, he won’t challenge her when she needs it. Instead, he’ll fold the second she asserts herself. He can’t help it. At another time or place, Lakeshia can benefit from Shinji’s brand of catering, and I’ll enjoy watching them when it happens.
But that time isn’t now. Now, she stands before me, displaying a level of uncertainty so unlike her, I doubt my own assessment of her situation.
Ever since meeting her, Lakeshia has been an enigma, an enchanting puzzle I’ve tried to solve. I have an incomplete picture of her, but every new piece she reveals draws me deeper into her sphere. Now is no different. Her admission exposes aglimpse into a new piece of who she is and I have no choice but to admit she’ll forever captivate me.
“The words you’re finding difficulty voicing is you want me to take control of everything. You want me to dominate you in a way you’ve never let me or anyone else. To let yourself go. Am I right?”
She raises lost eyes to me. I sink into the glossy brown depths, wanting to mine the confidence hidden beneath the layers of her recent apprehension.
“Maybe?”
“I’m willing to try, and if it eases your concerns, know I am good at establishing boundaries,” I say.
“Ha! Tell that to someone who hasn’t seen Shinji bulldoze over them.”
