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“That’s because I wanted to kill her for what she did to Shinji. You fell after one night with your wife and set up a three-year trap to get her in your clutches again.”
He glares at me, despite my spouting the truth. “My meticulous planning didn’t stop her from having doubts.”
“You still got what you wanted in the end. I don’t have the same hope.”
He swirls his glass while staring into the golden-hued spirit. “I recall you advising me I didn’t have to let her leave me. I think you should take your own advice.”
“Again, different circumstances. Portia was already in love with you.”
“Perhaps.”
We lapse into silence, but my thoughts are anything but. Scenario after scenario bombard me. Nonetheless, without insight into Lakeshia’s past or her guarded mindset, I’m at a loss.
Katsuo swallows the rest of his whiskey and then mine. “If you aren’t willing to fight for her, you need to let her go now before you tie her to you with a child.” With his last words, he stands and leaves me to contemplate my next move.
Times like this, I could use his strategic mind. He’s a master at shogi and chess, using people’s lives as his chess pieces. Yet, I won’t ask him to intervene. If I’m to have any future with ShinjiandLakeshia, I need to figure out where I fit.
CHAPTER 23
Lakeshia
Nothing seems to keep me warm anymore.
Even as I lie in Shinji’s arms, my blankie secure under my cheek, and a weighted blanket over me, nothing works.
“Still awake?” Shinji pulls me closer into his heat.
“Sorry for disturbing you.” I pull away, but he stops me with a reassuring squeeze.
I relax into him, accepting the comfort he needs to give me and I need to feel semi-normal. I take a lock of Shinji’s hair and twirl it around my finger. His hair always sparks a reaction from me, whether it’s desire or acceptance, I can’t help but play with his long tresses. And right now, I need all the reassurance he can provide.
Although I’m in a better place than I was two weeks ago, I’m only there after facing some hard truths. The first is the pain I inflicted on all of us, made more damaging because of the growing distance between me, Shinji, and Takeshi.
How could I have known these two men would mean so much to me over such a short period? Takeshi’s nightly absenceis a constant reminder of the harm I’m doing to his relationship with Shinji. Then I have to see Takeshi during the day, doing his best to help me plan my revenge but with the skin under his eyes darkening more by the day.
“Are you still thinking about your last therapy session?” Shinji rubs circles on my shoulder.
The darkened bedroom prevents me from distinguishing his features. Pressure from withholding so much of myself during the day becomes more bearable and loosens the chains around my vocal cords.
“Yes and no.”
Shinji followed through on his promise to find me someone to talk to about my past. Although hesitant at first, if I wanted to live a life with more fulfilling experiences than forever traversing numbness and pain, I had to speak up.
“Talking to a stranger is harder than I expected.” I snuggle deeper into Shinji’s arms, glad he can’t see my face. “Telling her about Paul was easier than with you. I don’t know if it’s because it was the second retelling or if it’s because we pay her not to judge.”
The butterfly caress against my skin halts for a moment. Shinji resumes his touch, but the lapse tells me he wants to ask if I’m ready to share my story with Takeshi. I can’t deny there is a yearning inside me to come clean if it means having his reassuring breath fanning my face while Shinji’s heat warms my spine at night.
“Why haven’t you criticized me for what I made you do that day at the hotel?”
Shinji stiffens at my abrupt subject change.
As the silence thickens the air between us, I bite my lip to stop myself from spewing excuses or demanding an explanation.
“I guess I’ve avoided thinking about it too deeply for fear of pushing you away at a time you need someone in your corner.”
“Would you have spoken if Takeshi were still here?”
“Knowing he would be with you when I couldn’t… yeah, I probably would have spoken sooner. What you did really fucked me up.”
