AllFreeNovel
Share Us
After my faux pas downstairs, how can I tell them they aren’t making me feel better? Or, that I don’t deserve their thoughtfulness? For so many years, I’ve been alone, looking out for myself. My survival depends on my ability to remain removed from entanglements, to be an emotional ice house.
And Shinji and Takeshi are threatening the very heart of my strength.
Oh God!
The weird pressure from before rises in my chest again, making it difficult to take a deep breath. Why can’t I just accept these innocent touches when, with two exceptions, my life thus far has been all about pleasurable sensory experiences?
Black spots appear on the ceiling and the room begins to close in on me. Takeshi’s face appears and I finally register that he and Shinji have been trying to get my attention. Shinji releases my shoulders and eases to his original position beside me with a concerned frown furrowing his brow.
“There you are,” Takeshi says in a soothing voice.
His calm intonation and patient confidence begin to work on me, though I have no idea how long I’d been out of it. I can breathe easily again and I inhale deep breaths, savoring each one. I close my eyes but snap them open when Takeshi pinches my chin.
“Not this time. Keep your eyes on me.” He follows his command with a soft brush of his hand from my cheek to my ear where he tucks a loosened strand of hair.
Shinji takes my hand and intertwines our fingers, drawing my attention away. “Tell us what’s going on in that beautiful head of yours.” He presses his lips to our knuckles and I instinctively squeeze in response.
It takes me a couple swallows before I’m confident my voice won’t wobble or break. “Why are you doing this?”
Shinji shrugs. “Too many reasons to list.”
With no suitable response coming from Shinji, I turn to Takeshi who hasn’t stopped staring at me. The question forming on my lips doesn’t get the chance to leave when he says, “Has this happened to you before?”
With no reprieve from their intrusive questions that I’m nowhere near ready to answer, I stare at the ceiling once more. Neither man presses me to answer, but their close study of myface is a physical pull, a lure to ensnare me in a trap as powerful as Medusa’s beauty.
“It seems, we’ll need to be more creative.” Takeshi’s voice begins a low throbbing alarm in my ears. “Shinji, front or back?”
“Decisions…decisions.” Shinji makes a tsking sound that does nothing to hide the underlying smile in his voice. “I’ll take the rear.”
“Excellent choice, though I doubt if you can go wrong with either,” Takeshi says, talking over my head figuratively and literally.
I don’t have long to wait to understand their coded discussion because Takeshi rolls me to my side and anchors one of my legs over his hip while Shinji presses deeper into my spine. For a lengthy period, I lie tense between them but they do not move.
Until I relax. Then their hands are all over my body, massaging and squeezing muscles that deepen my body’s relaxation.
“What is the purpose of this?” I ask, trying to fight the magic their hands are weaving, which is so different from before.
As my resistance melts away, a new conflict rises inside me with the need to get closer to both men, to curl up inside their arms and revel in the comfort they’re generously providing me.
“We’re about to have a difficult discussion, but I can’t allow you to separate yourself from us. We’ll continue to anchor you in the present, reassure you, and at every step, make damn sure you know you aren’t alone while you deal with your shit.”
“You can’t force me to talk about something I don’t want to talk about.” I begin to fidget in their hold, but their gentle circle is uncompromising.
Shinji twists my head around to catch my eye. “As much as I want to give you everything you ask for, I don’t think doing so now will help.”
Takeshi presses his hand over my heart. “Shinji has a point. And since your heart rate and breathing are steady, I’m going to have to insist you answer my question. Have you ever freaked out like you did with us tonight? How much you tell us is up to you, but you have to tell us something.”
“And if you think you can lie to him, think again. Takeshi is annoyingly perceptive that way.” Shinji rubs firm circles into my nape and my head falls on his chest.
I open my mouth to utter a half-baked lie filled with the confidence of a motivational speaker.
Ha!
Instead, what comes out is a whisper-soft confession. “After I dropped out of college, there was this guy. He wanted to role-play like I was his girlfriend and he was really sweet, you know? Very attentive and respectful. We’d done everything he wanted and afterwards, he asked to hold me.” I lapse into silence as the night plays out in my mind.
There is a shift in Takeshi and Shinji’s touch. Their hands remain gentle but I sense they’re forcing themselves to restrain the strength behind their massage.
“What happened next?” Shinji’s strained voice urges me on.
