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“But you agree? We need her?”
Takeshi sighs and his shoulders slump in defeat. “You know the answer already. She belongs to us now.”
I go to hug my husband with all the gratitude in my heart when a thought stops me. “You aren’t just saying that because you think I’ll leave you for her, are you? Because we’ve talked about you giving into what I want for the wrong reasons.”
“Get your ass over here.”
I jump to follow Takeshi’s demand by sitting on his lap. He wraps his arms around me and I rest my head on his shoulder.
“I want her and she needs us. Fuck, now I understand how Katsuo felt when Portia fell apart after confessing to him about her abortion. I hate this powerless feeling.” He grips me tighter.
“Me, too.”
The bathroom door opens and Lakeshia walks in with a renewed air of confidence so different from the panic minutes ago. Takeshi and I remain wrapped in each other’s arms but Lakeshia is our focal point.
“Thank you for giving me space. I’m ready to try again.”
CHAPTER 11
Lakeshia
“No,” Takeshi says with a steely gaze and firmed jaw.
I glance at Shinji who seems to be on a solidarity kick with his husband. I never know when he’ll take my side or Takeshi’s, and his current decision confuses me.
“Have you changed your mind then? You want to go the medical route to get me pregnant?”
Takeshi sends Shinji a deferential look.
“That plan hasn’t changed,” Shinji says.
“Then someone explain to me what’s going on.”
“Although Shinji is correct, the timeline for us to go about achieving those results has changed.”
“Timeline?” Dread begins to creep up my spine. Extending our time together will expose me to the risk of another episode.
I can’t allow that when I’m uncertain what brought this one on. I’ve only panicked like that during sex once. It left me feeling unclean and unworthy and I’d vowed never to put myself in a situation like that again.
Sex is my normal. It has to be or elsehewins.
I want to pound my fist against something hard to vent my frustration. Shinji, Takeshi, and I hadn’t gotten far before that unfamiliar, almost slimy feeling set in. A few touches and kisses. For fuck’s sake, Takeshi and Shinji still have their fucking clothes on.
It wasn’t just sex, though.
What should have been a fleeting thought that began in the bathroom persists no matter how much I try to deny it. Why did they have to act like they cared? Like they wanted to rip down the walls I erected to shield myself from these goddamn feelings. Last night when it was about them, I was fine.
“I’d rather we just fuck and get this over with,” I say.
“We’d rather not have you curl into a catatonic ball when we touch you.” Shinji uncurls from Takeshi’s lap and herds me back to the bed. This time he lays me down and spreads the blanket over me before lying on his side next to me.
And I let him, too exhausted to put up much of a fight.
Takeshi joins us on my other side and mirrors Shinji’s pose with his weight braced on his elbow and his head upheld by his hand. While peering down at me, they rest their free hands on my waist.
That’s all they do.
Rest warm hands on my stomach, doing nothing but providing support I never asked for. I stare at the ceiling to avoid direct eye contact and risk seeing something I am not prepared to handle.
